February 6, 2009

Not Really A Potty Mouth

I have on occasion posted the letters WTF but in reality I don’t even use the “F” word. It all comes from having children and having to watch my vocabulary else wise the young ones would shock the faculty and upset the preacher and we certainly can’t have that, now can we?

No matter how old we get, being called in to the principles office is still scary. They always give you those disapproving looks like you are a bad parent raising heathens. Yes, I am but I don’t like having it pointed out to me.

You can’t be too careful around kids and according to some books, it all starts in the womb. So back when I started looking like a hump fronted whale, Mark made me start cleaning up my language which up till then was pretty colorful.

Somewhere along the way I’ve started getting lax and a few damns, hells and the occasional shit snuck through. I don’t use the lord’s name in vain though cause I’m in enough trouble with him and don’t want to press my luck.

The only time the “F” word slips out is if I am drunk to the point my brain has become alphabet soup and a few misplaced letters fall into place spelling God only knows what. Then it’s like that old commercial where everyone is talking until one guy says something and then everyone leans in to listen. I’m not sure if he’s talking about investments or maybe he said the “F” word. It’s all the same really.

I wonder when people first started cussing? Did Adam swear at Eve when they got kicked out of the Garden of Eden? I’m sure he thought it was all her fault because everything comes down to being the woman’s fault. If your kids turn out bad and cuss at school, who do they blame? Not dad.

Kids make up substitutes for the big ones so they can soft cuss at school without getting into trouble. Instead of shit, they say snap or poop. Instead of the “F” word they say freaking or frigging. I can remember when I was a kid, saying heck instead of hell and darn or dang instead of damn, screw instead of f*ck and gosh instead of god. My granny said God knew what I really meant and he was going to get me for it. I just can’t get a break.





3 comments:

Sleepydumpling said...

Do you know what "heck" is? It's where you go if you don't believe in Gosh.

Pamela in red said...

lol I love it. You are so funny.

Anonymous said...

You are from the same part of the world as Will Rogers. Examples of how you give betray this fact:

"I don’t use the lord’s name in vain though cause I’m in enough trouble with him and don’t want to press my luck."

"I wonder when people first started cussing? Did Adam swear at Eve when they got kicked out of the Garden of Eden?"

A woman should not use the F word. Many brainy women used the word with bravado when I was in college, as a cheap way of being bohemian and bad without any truly adverse consequences. The F word gravely demeans the act that gets her pregnant. The act that until in vitro came along a few decades ago, was the way all of us began our life journeys. It is central to marriage, and marriage is lies at the center of most women's values and emotions. It can help a woman climax, and that alone makes it awesome.

Am I fighting a doomed rearguard battle? Maybe so...