September 28, 2009

Strange Dream

When I have dreams I don’t know most or sometimes any of the other people playing a part. It’s like I’m reading a novel in first person. Often times I’m not even myself like in this dream I appear to be Mexican.

I’m baking pies and cookies and my cell phone won’t stop ringing. Apparently I have a talkative friend. So my husband and daughter decide they want to go out for ice cream. First I tell them I can’t because I’m busy but for some odd reason they can’t or won’t go without me which doesn’t make any sense.

My husband is on his cell phone and he tells my daughter they will go after his conversation is over. She gets mad and starts arguing and I get tired of hearing it so I say, “I’m going” and I leave.

I head down the street, look down and realize I have no shoes on. (I never go anywhere, not even outside without shoes on.)

Not only that but I still have my mixer in my hand and I’m wearing an apron. I look back and there’s a long extension chord attached and so far I have plenty to spare so I keep going to a little store at the end of the block. Inside there is a woman that works there talking on the phone. (Everybody’s on the phone in this dream.) The clerk is Mexican too.

I try to reach past her to a refrigerator for a drink but it’s a very small store and I can’t so I say, “Can you hand me that Blue Mist.”

A black girl sitting at the counter says, “She’s been on that damn phone since I came in here.”

I say, “She’s always busy.”

Looking down at the floor I see that the entire floor is covered with record albums. The black girl says, “I’ve never heard of that one.” Pointing to one with a woman that looks like Ayo on the front.

I tell her, “That’s my favorite song, I had a hard time finding it but found an old one online.”

The song is Blue Mist.

Now as far as I know I have never heard a song called Blue Mist nor do I like a drink by that name.

I put in a search on YouTube and found this. Not bad. Now I gotta find a blue mist drink and my life will be complete.

September 25, 2009

Handle Bar Mustaches, Seventeen Foot Hair and Checkbook Registers

My brother in law has decided it would be a good idea to wax his mustache into Snidely Whiplash curls even though my sister-in-law strongly disagrees. Why do some men take leave of their senses when they get older?

I’m finding it kind of hard to talk to him and keep my mind on the conversation because I’m expecting any minute for Dudley Do Right to sail in saving me from this dastardly villain.

Hopefully, some of you are old enough to know what in the heck I’m talking about but just in case here’s a video, cause you know I have one.

Have y’all heard about the man with the seventeen-foot hair? If not here’s the video about him. How would you like to be one of the family members who gets to help hold that rope?

I wonder if smoking that bong is the secret to his success or possibly the fact he only washes it once a year. I dunno.

Now days people hardly use checks what with online banking and debit cards but surely people have to keep up with how much they still have left in their accounts. What I’m wondering is how do they do this?

Just like everyone else I don’t find myself writing checks as often as I did once upon a time but try to write down when I draw out money or use my card. Trouble is my registers fill up and then I run out of space.

The other day I went to Office Depot to see if they had any ledgers to help me out with this because I’m coming to the end of the ones the check company sent me. They only have big humongous ones like an employer or business would use. What are we regular folks supposed to do?

So I’m wondering, how do y’all keep up with expenses and such? Do you keep a spreadsheet on your computer? Carry around a little notebook or piece of folded up paper in your wallet? Or do you do like some young people and wait until you get a little letter from the bank letting you know you have gone over your limit and as a courtesy they went ahead and paid it and charged your account twenty five dollars accordingly. Thank you for doing business with us.

I also wonder why we say “hard cold cash” like that’s something great when actually if it’s hard money it’s not worth very much.

September 21, 2009

First Sons

What is it with men and first sons? They go plumb gaga. They have high expectations and hopes for this child, goals they maybe didn’t achieve but when a boy is born they see their dreams renewed. First sons have a much higher expectation than the younger one.

I happen to have two sons and know many other people that also have a set of boys and have made an observation and want to see if you have noticed it too.

First sons always look like their mom. Men can’t wait to have a mini me and look forward to that first boy child but nine times out of ten they come out a carbon copy of mom or mom's side of the family.

If baby boy number one is from an interracial couple he will inherit the genes and traits from mom’s side of the family more so than dad’s.

People were always saying how much my oldest son looks like his daddy but if you break down his features, they are mine so I’m not quite sure where they get that idea. He has my eyes down to the black freckle on the right iris, my nose, chin, cheekbones and ears. He has his dad’s (or is it my dad’s?) hair color.

So tell me, have you noticed this too? Look at people that have two sons (same mother and father) and tell me what you think.

September 18, 2009

Yumberries, Attack Grackles and H1N1 Flu

I got a Sobe drink the other day and it was yumberry pomegranate flavor. It had added vitamins, no sugar and sounded very healthy so I thought I’d try it. Now I know where pomegranates come from and what they look like but have never heard of a yumberry. Do any of y’all know how they are grown, what they look like or what country grows them? Perhaps I’ll plant a yumberry tree.

Just in case you don’t know, grackles are these very ugly birds that hang out in Wal-Mart parking lots scavenging for food like homeless people down on their luck. The females are a dirty brown color and the males are black and look like a crows homely cousin.

One time I saw a poor female grackle with feathers sticking up here and there, her tail was bent to one side and she hopped crooked. As if looking like that wasn’t bad enough two other females kept biting at her and making this mean squawking noise. I don’t know what she did to piss off her neighbors but they wouldn’t have anything to do with her. Miss Scraggly didn’t seem to care and kept pecking at the ground near them ignoring the fact her company was not welcome. I’m not sure if she did it to annoy them further or if she was touched in the head and couldn’t pick up their negative vibes. Maybe she’s a victim of domestic abuse and has been hit one too many times in the head.

The other day I was shopping at Wal-Mart and putting my cart full of bags in my car. I turned my back just for a minute and a grackle was in my buggy trying to tear into one of my bags. I shewed her away but she came right back. Good grief. Am I going to have to carry a weapon to keep the birds from carrying off my groceries? Geez Louise.

My daughter came home the other day and said she knows of ten people with this H1N1 flu. That’s a lot of kids so I thought I’d get her a shot. I called and asked if the flu shot would cover it and was told it doesn’t. You have to get a special vaccination for that one and you have to be in a high-risk category to qualify. I’d say having ten of your friends infected should qualify. They don’t agree.

She’s one of these touchy feely kind of people that hugs everyone so I told her she needed to not touch anybody and especially not to hug. Her brow creased and she looked at me like it was going to be a real challenge to remember that. It’s times like these that having a child that requires personal space and is introvert is a good thing.

According to this story those surgical masks you see people wearing do no good so save your money.

I have no idea why I though of this ol’ song but maybe you’ll get as big a kick out of it as I do.

September 14, 2009

Hide the Scissors

The other day after walking on the treadmill I had the hot water going in the shower to get warm and I was trying to get my ponytail holder out. It was stuck. No matter how much I pulled it would not come out.

Not wanting to waste the water I hurriedly grabbed a pair of scissors and cut it out. I’m thinking an inch, inch and a half was probably stuck. Uh-huh, more like three inches and it gets better. It wasn’t all of my hair but only about half so I’ve got half my hair three inches shorter than the rest.

It’s not too bad when your hair is past your shoulders and I’ve got plenty to spare. Still, I shouldn’t have been in such a big hurry to get my ponytail holder out and gradually worked it out instead of cutting a hunk of hair.

With age is supposed to come wisdom so when does this wise woman show up? So far I’ve been just as scatter brained if not more so than in my youth.

This reminds me of when I was in junior high and I didn’t want to pluck my eyebrows so I go the bright idea of cutting them with scissors the day of pictures. Lol I only did one before realizing what a stupid idea it was but maybe if I’d done them both at least they would have matched. The only thing I could do was strategically place a curl over my eye to hide the butchered brow.

So that year my picture looks like I’m trying to be sexy only I’m not pulling it off very well. My mother was pissed and kept asking me what was I thinking? Well, I don’t think there was much brain play in the works that particular day. Maybe I should have been born a blond.

The embed codes have been disabled for this video but if you copy and paste you'll get a chuckle.

Speaking of crazy women cutting their hair…

Britney Spears- My Prerogative:

September 11, 2009

Freaky Dreams

I have had some really strange dreams lately. Not sure why. I haven’t eaten chili peppers before bedtime or drank too much tequila. Actually, I haven’t had any tequila in quite some time.

Here’s a dream I had the other night:

I’m walking along with my husband and I look over and tell him I should have brought my fold up chair. I look down at my hand and discover I am carrying it and say, “Oh look I remembered it.” (I’m even ditzy in my sleep.)

We get to a big open field with nothing but dirt: no trees or even weeds. There’s a mobile home sitting in front of these acres of soil kind of like you see when a new housing addition is going in. Inside the trailer are rows of chairs set up like when you are going to listen to a speaker so we place our chairs in front of everyone else’s. (I guess being first doesn’t have any precedence in my dream. Just for the record, in real life I wouldn’t be so rude.)

I have no idea what the speaker talked about. She was a middle age blond woman with short hair: no one I know in real life. After she was finished there were refreshments on a bar at the side of the room. My husband is eating and flirting with two young women who are in their 20’s.

(Let’s pull out of the dream for just a moment to clue you in on why this is very strange. First of all, my husband doesn’t flirt with anyone. As far as I know he doesn’t know how. He was afraid of women until he met me. Second of all, it wouldn’t be with girls that young. He always talks to them in a fatherly or uncle sort of way because he has nieces and a daughter and to him they are kids.)

So I decide to go to the bathroom. I can assure you that if the above scenario were really happening going to the bathroom is not what I would be doing at that particular time but it’s a dream and they never make any darn sense.

Looking in the mirror I discover my eyes are this really light eerie almost white color of blue with small pupils. In case you can’t tell by my picture, I have brown eyes and large pupils. In the dream my nose is slender like most white peoples instead of my wide Cherokee nose I have in real life.

So I look over at this woman who is also in the bathroom and say, “Look at my eyes, they are blue.”

She says, “Must be something you ate.”

“Yeah, you are probably right.”

So the moral of this dream is don’t eat any weird food or your eyes will turn blue.

A funny side story to tell you:

When my second son was born and a few days old when you can see their pupils I noticed he had one big one and one little one, so of course I did what any mother would do. I panicked, called my husband at work and then our family doctor. They ask me questions like has he fallen. No, I didn’t drop my baby on his head…yet. Just kidding. So I take him in and the doctor confirms I am not crazy and yes my son’s pupils don’t match. He calls an Ophthamologist and finds out that it’s rare but nothing to worry about. It’s like a person born with one brown eye and one blue one. He inherited a pupil from each parent and since mine are not normal he has one big one.

So his whole life we have to tell people that he has mismatched pupils so if he is in an accident they won’t think he has a concussion.

September 4, 2009

Just Some Random Stuff

Ya’ll remember I told you my stomach meows? Well here’s a strange tidbit. Sometimes when my husband passes gas it sounds like he’s saying “Hon” and I answer him. He thinks this is really funny. I’m not quite so amused but men have a different sense of humor than women do.

Here’s a story of possibly the world’s oldest dog. Unfortunately, it’s unconfirmed so it won’t be going into the record books but I thought it was a pretty good story anyway.

This website is great. I know some people gripe about shopping at Wal-Mart but here is one of many reasons I love going there. If nothing else, sit somewhere and watch the people. You can get a cheap drink and popcorn at the snack bar and enjoy. It’s the best free entertainment you’ll ever have. I kid you not. Better than the sideshow at the county fair. Notice two of these pictures came from Oklahoma. lol

This website has stupid videos. Kind of self explanatory really.

We can all use a laugh so here’s a website with a catalog of comics to read.

We’ve been hearing a lot about sunspots or the lack there of here in Oklahoma. Apparently it’s why we’ve been having this strange cool weather and if the sun doesn’t find its spots soon we might have a mini ice age which wouldn’t be cool, well technically it would be “really” cool but you know what I mean.

Here’s a website telling about this conundrum.