January 29, 2012

Support Group Or Just Forget About It

For some people sitting around in a circle discussing trauma or issues they are having works for them. Personally, I’d rather just forget the whole thing happened; dragging up old problems doesn’t work for me.

I’m not going to go into the reasons why I’d need group counseling but I will say that my childhood was less than great and every form of abuse you can think of probably happened to me. There were visits to psychologists, school counselors and later as an adult I tried group sessions. None did as much good as moving on with my life and putting the bad stuff at the back of my mind.

Some will say that doing that keeps it in our subconscious and we drag it out anyway in the form of hang-ups. Perhaps, but I can definitely tell you I have less nightmares than when I sat around talking about old horror stories reliving it over and over again.

When a bad thought pops into my head I push it out with a good one or at the very least change the subject. This is when having ADD: Attention Deficit Disorder comes in handy. My attention span isn’t long enough to dwell on terrible things for too long.

Medication is basically a form of forgetting. When doctors give out prescriptions they are numbing the memories and dulling the pain. This can help too, but unfortunately drugs have all sorts of nasty side effects that can hamper sex drive, ability to care as well as a host of other physical problems that either show up immediately or later on in the form of organ failure.

No thanks.

Everyone deals with pain, loss and trauma differently. We all need to figure out what it is that works for us and what makes us feel better. For some talking about it helps, it just wasn’t my cup of tea.

We are supposed to feel pain and sadness.

Contrary to what the pharmaceutical commercials want us to believe discomfort is a part of life. Being unhappy or angry is part of being alive and if you don’t feel those things you don’t have that contrast to compare when life is good.

No one promised you a rose garden and if they did they forgot to mention the thorns, weeds, and spiders.

I’m a diamond in the rough. My past makes me who I am, a little messed up, a little freaky, and a lot out spoken. In person my inner editor isn’t always on so sometimes it’s a bit of a surprise to everyone, including myself, hearing what comes out of my mouth. At least you know where you stand with me; there is no sugar coating. I’m not fake nor do I pretend to like people I can’t stand.

Not everyone wants a girl child with opinions, too many questions and answers. Can I help it if I knew too much? I was born old.

I studied psychology so I could figure out what made me tick and I’ll be damned if most of the other students weren’t in there for the very same reason. In case you didn’t know it most psychologists and psychiatrists are fighting their own demons.

I now realize there are no normal people, we are all a little mental in one form or another some are just better at hiding it than others.

Due to my experiences I’m open minded and not quick to judge a person based on their lifestyle. We are all different and I’m okay with that.

In support groups you meet all sorts of screwed up people and at the very least you might decide when you go home that you aren’t as messed up as those other people. Funny thing is they were probably thinking the same thing about me but then again it’s probably just my OCD making me believe that⎯hard to tell.

Excuse me while I go count some bridge stripes and touch my chair six times.

January 27, 2012

Caring For Elderly

There are thousands of old people in convalescent and assisted living centers all over America that never have anyone to visit them. For most of these people, their family members put them in and never went back.

During the holidays churches and organizations bring them gifts, sing to them and take a few moments to listen to incoherent stories but the rest of the year they are forgotten by most of us.

It’s not easy to see elderly people in bad health. Some of us find it depressing and don’t want to be reminded of our mortality but like it or not we may all be in that predicament one day and we’ll hope that someone will take the time to stop by and talk for a few moments. Their memories are a bit fuzzy and some tend to repeat themselves but it's a nice gesture to listen even if it is the same fox hole story over and over again.

It doesn’t take that much time to drop by and the staff don’t care if you are related or not, most are happy for you to visit for a while.

One of my best friends is an angel who visits on a regular basis. She starts by going to see friends from church or family members but she soon becomes attached to their neighbors noticing no one comes to see them and her heart goes out to them. She makes me look really bad.

Her latest friend is an elderly fellow who has lost his ability to control his saliva as well as other bodily functions. He wears a large bib they call clothes protectors. This fellow also likes to go to church on Saturday, he’s Seven Day Adventist, and like many people from his generation he believes in being properly attired in a suit and tie. Problem is by the end of service his necktie and suit are quite soiled.

He’s in a wheel chair and pushes himself down the sidewalk without fail to the church down the road.

My friend who is in no way related to this man nor did she know him before her mother became a resident at this home has taken it upon herself to adopt him. She’s made him several stylish “clothes protectors” including one that looks like a man’s suit complete with a tie. He was tickled to death to get it grinning from ear to ear and now can go to church wearing a washable outfit.

Debbie’s mom passed away several months a go but she still visits this man on a regular basis as well as other people who have nobody. Recently two of her friends disappeared and she had to ask questions as to their whereabouts. These places have a big turn over so she had to search to find a staff member who had been there more than a couple of weeks. It’s hard to find people willing to clean up after the elderly.

One died in her sleep and the other was moved to Texas to be near relatives who hopefully will visit her. Maybe they will and maybe they won’t but at least they no longer have distance as an excuse.


January 25, 2012

How To Be Content

Being happy is a big deal these days, they have seminars about it and people write and sell books giving you tips on how “You too can be happy.”

Money doesn’t buy happiness

Researchers have done studies on what makes people content and the number one thing that doesn’t do it is money. People always think if I had X amount of money more on my pay check I’d be doing great. Those same people get promoted, find a better paying job or win the lottery and are the same discontent individuals they were prior to the increase. Why?

People with more money, have more responsibility and stress.

The key to happiness will not be found in things or even people. Being satisfied with what you have or where you are in life is all up to you.

There are people in third world countries living in shacks scraping by just to eat every day and those folks are happy. They know about riches and are fully aware of what they don’t have but the difference is they are okay with where they are, they don’t sit around moping and wishing for more. I’m sure they’d enjoy having it a bit easier but they aren’t feeling sorry for themselves or holding grudges for people holding better positions in life.

The trick is finding a way to be fine in our current circumstances. What is their secret? Why are they not bothered with the lack of money, food or accommodations?

Americans are some of the least satisfied people in the world and the most financially well off. To a third world country, even our poor people are doing better financially than they are.

It’s the way we are raised. We grow up with a sense of entitlement. We’ve all heard of the American dream and how we are all “entitled” to it. The problem with that way of thinking is when we don’t all have a 500,000 square foot home, yacht and fleet of cars we start to feel like we’ve been somehow cheated. "So and So has those things and I should too."

Life doesn’t work that way. Some people have skills, talents or just lucky enough to make a lot of money in this world and just because they have it and I don’t doesn’t mean I should blame them or expect the same.

There will always be people with more and also many with a lot less. Take a trip to the bad part of town or where the homeless folks live and you’ll start to feel better about your situation. Even if you are homeless yourself, you still have something someone else doesn’t have.

“I cried because I didn’t have shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”

What do you have to be thankful for?

Look around you at all you have. Make a list of the great things in your life each morning it can be a mental list. Do this everyday and you’ll have a wonderful start to a much happier life.

Health- even if your health isn’t great unless it’s life threatening there is always someone out there in worse condition than you.

A famous comedian once said: "Every morning I read the obituaries and if my name isn’t there I know it’s going to be a good day."

Significant Other- there are many lonely people in this world who don’t have someone to share their life with. Your sweetie may not be perfect but at least you have them.

Children- our kids are a joy even when they drive us nuts. When they are grown and gone you’ll look back at the difficult times and laugh.

Family- having those with common history and tales is great.

Friends- someone to talk to, do things with and listen to our stories.

Possessions- no matter what we have, we enjoy our stuff and wouldn’t want to part with it. It might not be much but it’s ours.

Employment- even if you feel your job is not great at least you have one. There are many who would love to have any vocation even trash collecting.


When you smile those around you will smile back and it will make you feel better. Happiness is contagious and even if you don’t feel like it if you put on a pleasant expression eventually it will improve your mood. Being around smiling faces always uplifts our spirits even if we started it.

Be silly, it works for me.

Stay away from negative people

Like I said, moods are contagious and if you spend very much time around sad or angry people eventually they pull you down to their level. Sometimes we can’t help working or living with curmudgeons but if you try to limit your time with them or use the “smile” technique to improve their mood you’ll feel better.

January 22, 2012

Eat Right For Your Type Book Review

This book is based on your blood type and how we all have different dietary needs and should change our eating habits to reflect our unique body chemistry.

I don’t normally do book reviews because people can read plenty of them on Amazon and similar websites but this book has helped me in many ways and I felt I should write about it.

Until I stumbled upon it I hadn’t even heard about this diet even though it’s been around for about a decade.

I am type O blood type so the things mentioned in this blog will only apply to those who share this. Other people will need to read the book because your needs will be very different.


These days, the word “diet” has come to mean a weight loss plan to most people but there are many who are on a diet for health reasons and losing weight has nothing to do with it. I am one of those people.

I started this diet to improve my health. Anyone who has met me in person knows I don’t need to lose weight.

Some eliminate foods from their diet due to allergies or adverse effects from eating certain items.

We are what we eat and eating some items is very bad for us. Some foods are medicine and some are poison. According to this book, our blood type determines what is bad and what is good for each of us.

You can lose weight with this diet

For those people struggling with their size this book just might be the key to helping you drop those pounds. I have read many testimonials about people who had trouble with other diets but after reading this book and sticking with the rules they were able to decrease their size, lower their cholesterol and feel better overall.

What I had to give up

I am type O blood and had to give up a few things that were staples in my cooking and eating. It’s been tricky to go to restaurants but I’ve adapted and it has been working well.

I cannot have potatoes, wheat, corn or pork. There are more things we can’t have but those are the main ones I had to work on. The first three were the hardest for me. I live in the south and we love our taters, corn and bread. When you think about it everywhere you go there is wheat or potatoes on the menu. Corn is equally difficult to avoid since they put corn syrup in everything these days. You don’t realize how much until it’s on your no-no list.

I can’t eat dairy, which wasn’t really a problem since I’ve always been lactose intolerant. I’m very fair skinned but inherited all the American Indian problems that being one of them. I don’t like cheese and never drank much milk anyway so this was easy.

What in the heck can you eat?

My husband asks me this question on a regular basis and it does seem like at times my list of “cans” is shorter than my list of “can’ts”.


I eat oatmeal with blueberries, walnuts and vanilla soy yogurt mixed in. Yes, I eat this everyday and it is quite good, actually. The yogurt gives it just enough sweetness and a creamy texture.

I never liked coffee so not drinking it was not at all a problem for me. I love tea and drink it everyday. I have green tea and ginseng every morning.


This can be tricky if I eat out. I frequent a lot of Asian restaurants since they tend to cook a lot of vegetables, rice, rice pasta and seafood. I’ve always loved Chinese food and prefer it to fast food anyway so I don’t feel deprived.

At home I eat rice, shrimp, vegetables and furikake with soy sauce. Sometimes I make a sandwich with sprouted bread, unprocessed meat, broccoli sprouts and Miso Mayo. Since I can’t have potato or corn chips I have discovered beet chips, which are very delicious. I get them from Whole Foods. Terra has sweet potato and beet chips that are also good and much cheaper. You can find Terra chips at Walmart.

I sometimes go to barbecue places because O blood types are the carnivores and I can get meat with a side of okra. I love okra. It’s breaded and that is a no-no but once in a while is okay.

Hamburgers can be ordered dry and I only eat the meat and veggies. I don’t like pickles anyway, so eliminating those wasn’t a problem. Like I mentioned before I don’t like cheese, especially the cheap kind fast food restaurants serve.


I mostly eat meat and vegetables. Again, eating out is tricky but not impossible. I make sure to tell them to bring my salad with the dressing on the side.

Carbohydrates have been reduced in my diet but I can still have rice.

Eating away from home

I do not ask a lot of questions or try to draw attention to myself since I am on a special diet. I read the menu and ask for dressing on the side. If there is something I can’t eat I pick it out if possible. The last thing I want to do is turn this into an ordeal. Eating this way is my choice and I don’t want to make other people feel put out by it. I sometimes carry dried fruits, jerky and nuts in my purse so if I didn’t get enough to eat at someone’s home or at a restaurant I nibble on my snacks.


Why am I doing this? I have fibromyalgia and have had to change my diet every so often to keep my symptoms at bay. I found information about this book and thought it was worth reading.

I’ve been on it for about three months now and this is what I have noticed.

Eliminating potatoes has also eliminated my joint pain. I normally can tell you when we are going to get rain or a cold front and now have to rely on the local meteorologist. That’s just fine with me.

During Thanksgiving and Christmas I made exceptions and ate some wheat and cheesecake but I have stayed away from potatoes for good.

I love bread so this was tough but I feel better so it’s been worth it. O blood type people have trouble with digestion: gas, reflux and indigestion. When I stay on this diet I do not have any of those.

Make changes based on your own dietary needs and allergies

If you use these techniques be sure to read every detail. Ethnicity and parents blood type make a difference in what you can and cannot eat.

He often mentions Asian and African decent people but doesn’t say anything about American Indians. I have found my needs run very similar to Asian people so I look at what he has to say about those dietary needs and try them to see how they work.

I am not able to eat tomatoes even though they are on my Neutral list. Tomatoes upset my stomach so I have added those to my Avoid list.

Naturally if you are allergic to shellfish even though it’s on the Neutral list you should definitely avoid them.

Here's a recipe I wrote for cookies that are okay for Type O people to eat.


January 9, 2012

Can't Get Any Work Done Because Of Facebook, Twitter Or Google+

We log on just to see what is going on and before we know it we are sucked in to the vortex of social networking. Those few minutes turn into hours and before we know it we didn’t get things done we planned and the day is gone.

Pros of Social Sites

Don’t get me wrong, they have their place in life and can be very helpful for many things:

Networking- helping promote your work whether it’s writing, performing, web designing or other career. Social networking sites are a wonderful marketing tool.

Self Help- people with depression or other mental issues talk to people who in turn boost their ego and help their sense of wellbeing. It can be a virtual group therapy session.

Shy people- some wouldn’t have nearly as many friends if they weren’t communicating online. Visiting with the security of a monitor makes it easier to talk to people they ordinarily would not converse with.

Disabled people- those with mobility issues are able to have an active social life and even find love.

Cons of social sites

Wasted time- some lose track of how long they are logged on feeling they need to wait and see what people have to say about their latest clever update or post. They look for particular friends to be online and don’t want to miss funny or interesting comments by their buddies. Interacting with friends is not a bad thing but when it takes us away from obligations and duties it is not so good.

Trolls- these are people who get enjoyment by making other people feel bad. They have been known to cause suicidal actions among vulnerable victims. Basically, they are the scum of the earth.

Viruses- visiting with people across the globe without physical contact protects us from colds and the latest flu bug. Unfortunately it doesn’t always keep our computers from being infected by crawlers some unhappy media user has developed.

Ruined reputation- some people don’t know where to draw the line and post all manner of relationship issues, party photos and rude remarks about employers.

Stolen identity or possessions- giving out too much personal information helps thieves steal your identity as well as know when you will be out of town so they can break into your house. You’ve made it easy for them because your address and length of time you’ll be gone are posted.

Monitoring social media time

So what do you do if you find yourself having trouble tearing yourself away from what’s going on in Facebook world?

Set a schedule.

Make a list of what you need to get done along with duration of the task. Set a timer and when it goes off move on to the next chore. A buzzer or ringing noise has more of an impact than simply looking up at a clock every now and then.

Simply giving yourself a time doesn’t always work. We’ll say, “I’m only going to be on here an hour,” and before you know it you are well into the next one and you figure you’ve wasted part of this segment so why not wait until the next chime of the clock.

Disconnect the Internet

If you are working from home and aren’t sharing the web with other people, simply unplug the cord, if you are wireless, turn off the router.

Sometimes not getting on at all helps us. Logging in for a short time may not do the trick and staying off all day or more helps.

I do this for hours and sometimes days at a time using an old fashioned dictionary to check spelling. Yes, people do still use hard copy books. Imagine that?

The world will not end if you do not check in.

Contrary to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end soon and even if it did you being on Google+ wouldn’t make a difference.

We use our phones, our televisions as well as our computers these days to stay connected to the world at large, worried we might miss something. Look back at the past two days and recall any big news that happened. Even if something incredible did arise, could you have done anything to change it by being online? Most likely not.

People read your blog more when you are absent.

One thing I have noticed is that activity on my blog websites and articles picks up when I’m offline more. People miss you and since they aren’t getting to read your words on Twitter or wherever else you reside virtually, they’ll look for your words on your blog site(s).

In the beginning, you need to gather your social audience and I do not mean you should leave indefinitely but once you’ve collected a following you should notice a peak in views when you are offline for a day or more.

Marketing is great but if you spend all of your time selling and no time creating then what are you promoting?

January 4, 2012

Myths About Thin Women

It’s not politically correct to say mean things about overweight people but somewhere along the way the world has gotten really screwed up and it is acceptable to say rude things about skinny women.

I have nothing against full figured ladies, some of my closest friends fit in this category, actually, I live in Oklahoma so most of my friends are round. They’ve known me for years and are used to my skinny self.

As a trim gal I’d like to clear up a few things.

No, we are not starving ourselves.

The anorexic remarks are really old, people. You’ve gotten too comfortable seeing obesity to the point that when you see a thin person you freak out. Look a few decades back in time and you’ll see that people were much thinner than they are today, some of us retained our figures, didn’t plus size our meals or add fries with that.

Most of us prefer healthy foods that aren’t fattening. I eat healthy because I want to; it tastes better.

You look at a double layer cake with lots of icing, a fudge Sunday or bacon and think yum. I see those same foods and get nauseous. I know it’s hard to believe but some people actually prefer vegetables to lard.

You get depressed and you pull out a tub of ice cream, if I’m upset I can’t eat and I don’t like ice cream.

It’s also genetics. There are some who simply don’t keep weight on as much as others. It’s nothing to get excited about, no we don’t need to gain weight or eat something we are simply thin. We’re happy that way and regardless of what you try to make yourself or others believe we are healthy. Trim people are typically in better health than overweight people; ask any doctor.

I seldom get sick. All this winter I’ve read on Facebook all the people suffering with ailments and I haven’t been sick once.

I cannot overeat. If I eat too much food I can’t keep it down.

Buffets love to see me coming because I don’t eat very much.

I do not eat appetizers, a dinner and then desert, there’s no way I could eat that much food. Appetizers are full of fat and salt and to me don’t even look good. I usually eat half of a dinner and take the other half home or my husband and I split a meal. It’s plenty for us and we are full when we leave. Yes, my husband is thin too and so are both of my sons.

Yes, I've had two children and still thin; it is possible.

No, we are not slaves to a gym.

There are women who struggle with their weight and work hard to maintain a fit physique but I’m not one of them. I know it doesn’t seem fair but that’s how it is. Hating me isn’t going to change anything.

I walk four miles three times a week at a brisk pace and I stretch before.

I don’t snack all day. I eat three meals a day and some chocolate or almonds in the evening for snack. I only eat about three or four pieces of the nugget sized candy.

I never eat anything out of a vending machine; I seldom eat fast food and mostly make my own meals.

I do not buy convenience foods from the freezer section, or boxed meals. Those foods are usually full of fat, salt and carbohydrates. I cook from scratch with fresh produce and meat.

I do not eat processed meats like hotdogs, sausage and salami because I don’t like them; to me they taste nasty.

Desserts are for holidays and special occasions; we do not have them everyday, it’s not necessary and we can’t eat that much food anyway.

Saying rude things about skinny people doesn’t make obese people look better.

It’s not nice. I’m not going to gain weight to make you feel better about yourself. I’m sorry you are overweight but being mean to me isn’t going to make you lose weight.

I’ve heard women (men don’t say these things) say skinny bitch, anorexic and all kinds of hateful remarks. I’ve been pinched, poked (not the Facebook kind) and my hair pulled. Yes recently by adults. Jealousy is an ugly creature.

Yes, some skinny women can cook.

Dress size has nothing to do with our skills in the kitchen. Just like not all big women can make biscuits, not all thin women are inept at frying chicken. Ask anyone that has eaten at my table, I assure you I can cook anything you want; I just don’t taste it all during preparation and may not eat it when the meal is served. My family loves macaroni and cheese but to me it’s gross, I cook it anyway. I don’t like cheese.

No, not all men prefer curvy women

I’ve also read many comments that men don’t like skinny women, they want a girl they can cuddle up to.

This is silly on so many levels. If this were true then men’s magazines wouldn’t highlight thin women in bikinis.

I've read comments that men who prefer skinny women have homosexual tendencies. That is absurd. If they wanted a man they would go and get one. Preferring a lady who isn't overweight doesn't make a man gay.

My husband only finds trim ladies pretty and isn’t interested in larger women so you can’t say all men want bigger females. Now I’ll probably get comments bashing my husband, which is childish and silly. No, I don’t stay thin to please him; it just worked out that way.

My youngest son also only dates skinny girls. So yeah, there are definitely men who go for ladies without extra pounds.

Can’t we just all get along?

So once in for all can we please put this weight issue behind us and move on? If you aren’t happy with the way you look you know what to do about it. Ridiculing thin women isn’t making you look any better.

You should go read the rude comments by girls about this next video.