December 28, 2009

Is It Bumper Cars Or A Highway?

Christmas Eve in Oklahoma was a crazy day. A blizzard rolled in dumping fourteen inches of snow in a short amount of time with 47 mile an hour winds blowing sleet and snow sideways into your face. It was like getting sand blasted.

People were crashing into each other and running into ditches. Three people were killed: a couple while getting out to survey damage done to their vehicle, which was the wrong thing to do. Insurance companies have been swamped with calls and the worst part is most drivers don’t have a clue who hit them.

One poor woman had both her legs broke from getting hit by two vehicles at the same time. She was trapped and couldn’t get out. The ambulance that came to her rescue was hit. A police car was totaled.

The governor called a state of emergency and the National Guard was brought in to rescue people trapped on the turnpikes.

We got 14 inches of snow total but there were drifts that were six feet tall. People coming out of malls and shopping centers couldn’t find their cars because they were buried under snow. It came down just that quick.

I have anywhere from a foot to three foot of snow in my backyard. My poor little dog was real confused and kept looking at me as if to say, “Where did this come from?”

My youngest son was rear-ended and my oldest son’s car went into a ditch. It wasn’t damaged; just stuck. My brother in law’s van was hit twice.

You can’t find a tow rope or chain anywhere in town; they are sold out.

It’s not even the good kind of snow. You can’t make a snowman with it, which really confuses me.

I was at home cooking all day and my car was in the garage so I am fine.

If you like excitement you should move to Oklahoma we always have something going on around here, if tornadoes and firestorms don’t do it for you we’ll bring in a historic size blizzard to liven things up.

Annie Lennox - A Whiter Shade Of Pale

December 21, 2009

Tis The Season To Bite Each Other's Heads Off

First of all I want to wish all y’all a Merry Christmas. I hope Santa brings you everything your little hearts desire. And I hope those of you snowed in have plenty of food and heat.

I’m taking time off from commenting on Topix for a bit. My close friends know where to find me.

No one has run me off or hurt my feelings and I certainly wasn’t banned. I’m just tired of all the bickering and childish name-calling. People have forgotten how to have an adult conversation with each other and I’m just tired of it.

It amazes me the number of people that get enjoyment out of sitting at home on their computers anonymously ridiculing other people. Do they honestly think this makes them look better? Do they really feel more important calling others derogatory names?

I work from home and don’t get to be around people as much as some of y’all do so it’s a way for me to visit with others and have fun. When it is no longer enjoyable I leave. A few months back I mentioned I was going to take a break and a few people talked me into staying so this time I’m not telling anyone in the forums. Kind of sneaky, I know and I’m sorry, truly I am.

The same nonsense goes on in other forums, whether it’s music, a YouTube video or a blog, they feel the need to pick them apart saying ridiculous things that are often irrelevant to the material at hand.

On another subject that is equally pertinent to the title is our lovely holiday break. We look forward to time away from work and getting to spend more time with the people we are supposed to love only to find they drive us nuts.

There is nothing like togetherness to bring out your significant other’s flaws and annoying habits. Suddenly they chew too loudly, step on the breaks too hard and use the wrong knife to make a sandwich. While absence makes the heart grow fonder togetherness drives us to distraction.

You can’t brush your teeth because they are using the sink to shave so you shower first only to realize later you forgot to brush your teeth because your whole routine is messed up. Making your breakfast is also difficult because someone is in your way even though you have other counter space available you both seem to need the same square foot of Formica.

Sometimes I understand the hermit on the hill that lives away from all “civilization” because people aren’t really civilized after all. Are they?

December 18, 2009

Up On The Roof Tops

Okay, that title doesn’t really have much to do with this blog today but I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of gift ideas so there isn’t much left for writing.

I do however have a couple gift ideas to help you out if you are like me and still shopping in between baking cookies for that last minute party and making wings for little Suzie’s Christmas program.

I found a book that is really funny and even people with little time to read will enjoy it. The author took old advertisements from back when we weren’t quite as careful with our children’s safety and poked fun at them. In many cases the ads themselves are funny enough but he includes his bit of humor that makes it even more side splitting. I love the cage they put kids in outside of a window. It’s hard to believe they approved some of these things.

I noticed when I went to Amazon that he also has a book on food. I haven’t seen this one but I can see how it might be just as entertaining.

He has a website if you want to see a sample of his work.

Another gift idea I found was a travel pillow. I have one in my car and any time someone has rode with me they go on and on about that pillow so I decided to buy one for a dirty Santa gift. It’s polyester, really soft and has it’s own pillowcase to store it in. I hang it on the back of one of the seats to keep it clean. The “U” shape goes behind your head and keeps you from getting a crick in your neck. I got mine at Target.

Here’s a silly website for you to play with when you have a few minutes to spare. Type a Christmas song in the bar and hit the “sing it” button and watch the little characters sing your song. Over holiday break it will entertain your kids for a few minutes. I love it when they don’t know the song, “We don’t know that song, we’re just little kids.” lol

December 14, 2009

Thank A Tree

I am a tree hugger and do try to plant and conserve trees but today I am going to talk to you about a few things made from trees you might not be aware of.

A few of my clothes have an ingredient called modal. (I’m not sure if ingredient is the correct word to use here.) It feels like a really soft cotton fabric. I had no idea what modal was so I decided to look it up. It turns out it comes from beech trees. According to Wikipedia it is reconstituted. Do they add water?

The online dictionary says that adding water is one of the definitions of reconstituted but it also means to bring back to its original state. My panties don’t look like a tree.

We wear a lot of clothes made from trees these days and many people don’t even realize it. I try to be aware of these things but I’m a bit of a hypocrite sometimes because I have to admit that clothes made from trees are really nice.

Another fabric made from trees is Tencel and Lyocell. These fabrics feel similar to linen only it doesn’t wrinkle as easily.

I’ve recently seen clothes and linens made from bamboo. I have some dish clothes that are very nice. So far I haven’t bought any clothing but I might look for some. Who knew bamboo could be so soft when spun into cloth?

We aren’t the only ones that build our homes out of wood. Of course we know about woodpeckers and a few other animals but did you know that wasps nests are made from wood? They chew up tree fibers, add saliva and turn it into a paper type material. I’m glad we don’t have to do that to build a home.

I finally put my Christmas tree up this weekend. We have an artificial one that is in three sections with the lights attached. I used to have a really big one that was seven and a half feet tall. You had to put each individual limb on and there were like ten rows. It was really pretty and looked like a real one but took forever. A couple of years a go I got rid of that one and bought a smaller one. This tree is about six feet tall and not near as big around but much easier to assemble.

If not for trees we wouldn’t have all of these things so next time you are cursing those leaves you rake or thinking about cutting down a tree because it’s in your way remember all of the things trees give us. Shade, a home for birds, the house we live in and our Christmas trees.

And if you have an Iphone, David Choi has figured out how to play Oh Christmas Tree on it. Sounds pretty good.

December 11, 2009

I’ve been known to make serious people with very little sense of humor smile just because I was cracking up. My laugh seems to be especially contagious.

When I get a massage I always get tickled, literally. I can’t help it. He’s had to catch me from falling off the table before because I’m laughing so hard. We both end up laughing by the end of my session. My masseur says it means I’m a compassionate person. All this time I thought it just meant I was silly.

Have you ever gotten the giggles at inappropriate times like at a wedding? A woman wore this sweater that reminded me of a jester’s suit and I started getting tickled so I had to leave the room. I know that is so bad but I really did. Sometimes the things I find amusing don’t always make since.

This poor woman got tickled about something and couldn’t even do the weather. It doesn’t even matter that you can’t understand her language just try not to laugh.

Laughing is good for our health. It’s long been said that optimists live longer than pessimists and finding humor in the little things in life just might help you feel better.

There have been entire shows made up of funny videos. I like them but don’t care for the clips of people getting hurt. Somehow I don’t see the humor in other people’s pain but I must be in the minority on this one because I see people in the audience chuckling.

This is cool. You have to watch the whole thing.

December 7, 2009

Be Happy And Know That You Are Loved

Friendship with ones self is all important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. Eleanor Roosevelt

In our quest for happiness we look for it in many places: Another person, chemicals, objects and religion. The trouble is we cannot truly find our own peace in any of these things but only with understanding and being content in our own skin.

Our past and present affect our future. We have to make peace with our history and the people in it in order to be comfortable with our present. This shapes us as people and marks a path for our future. If we are constantly looking back we will stumble in our journey. If we look behind we will not see what is in front of us.

You need not say anything to forgive people who have wronged you but you must clear them in your heart. Holding a grudge and having animosity for another does not hurt the other person. There are people with little to no conscience that do not care if you are hurt or angry. When you hold these feelings in your heart they have won. They have a hold on you. Do not give bad people the reins to your happiness.

It has become popular to blame others for our misfortune. Life is easier if we do not have to take responsibility for our own actions or our personality. Our childhood, the people we have known, experiences we have had and places we have been all help mold our minds into the person we become. How we react to those things is totally up to us.

You have seen people that have lost loved ones, their belongings, a job and even their health and still were in good spirits. How do these people go on? What is their secret? Someone else can lose a fraction of these things and attempt suicide or take it out on other people. One stands strong while the other wilts.

It's the difference between the glass being half full and half empty. You can look for the positive or you can look for the negative. It's completely up to you.

The people that get through the hard times with a good attitude are still able to count their blessings even when life gets hard. Positive people look at what they have left and how they can move forward. They lost their home but they are still alive. They lost a child but they still have another that depends on them for comfort and support. They lost a leg but they can find new ways to remain mobile. It's not easy and I'm sure even the upbeat citizen will have bad days but they don't let it grow into months and consume their lives. Grief is a normal part of life, we are all sad sometimes but you have to get past it and look to the future and what is up ahead.

No one can put you in a bad mood or make you angry if you don't allow it to happen. Your reaction to people and events are in your hands.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt

There are online bullies that enjoy nothing more than to create friction. If the mean poster doesn't get a reaction they will go away. This is not always easy to do but really works. Angry people want you to feel emotional pain if they receive no attention it takes their fun away. Not replying to their comments is the worst thing you can do to them. Taunting is only entertaining if the victim is hurt. Reacting to them gives them power. Power to make you angry, sad or depressed. It takes stamina and great will to overlook adversity and not give in to retaliation. A peaceful spirit will overcome all and you will be the stronger person in the end.

December 4, 2009

Please Don't Bring Me Livestock For Christmas

Some of you may be aware that there are people that consistently check the price of the Twelve Days of Christmas items every year. Personally I’d wonder about my true love if he brought me all of those things but it does make for a fun song that has lasted for decades.

Just in case anyone has thought of purchasing these items here’s the tally, $21,465.56. You’d have to really love a girl to shell out that kind of money.

Here’s the full story if you’d like to read it.

Can you imagine a guy showing up at your door everyday with livestock? Hopefully his true love has a farm with lots of barn space.

Some have thought the song had hidden meaning and you can believe what you want, but here’s Snope’s take on that story:

This song has been redone and resung to all sorts of fun twists of the lyrics. Here’s the redneck version.

If you didn’t care for that version here is a list of others you might enjoy. Most are rated “E” but he warns you if there is naughty content.

November 30, 2009

Word Count, Rude People and Leaving Comments

My word count is doing great. I only need to write about 800 words today and I’ll be at my 50,000 mark. The story is going well although it hasn’t turned out exactly like I had in mind. That often happens when you are writing at a break neck pace and don’t pause to think too much.

It was supposed to be a romantic comedy but there are no funny parts. That is unusual for me and I realize it’s partly because I am trying to write in a different region than I am used to so in the rewrite my California family is going to move to Texas. Towards the end my characters developed southern accents anyway and that is what I feel more comfortable with. Write what you know. That’s what all the great teachers tell you and there is a lot of truth in that.

The holidays are a stressful time and I’ve noticed during this time of year people become more cranky online. In the stores everyone is all happy and saying Merry Christmas but online they put their smile in a box and their ugly comes out. They take their frustrations out on other people who they think will never know who they are so it doesn’t really matter.

Unfortunately moods are contagious. When you say nasty things to someone and hurt their feelings they turn around and pass that rude behavior on to the next person until it’s like a disease that is eating away at the good qi in the world. Karma has a way of coming back around and biting you on the ass.

What are you spreading?

It may not look like many people read my blogs due to the shortage of comments left but how many times have you read an article or blog and not left any feedback? Often I’m sure. If you’ll scroll down to the bottom of my Blogger account you will see an icon for Stat Counter. That little gadget tells me how many views I’ve had to my site. Believe it or not there are over a hundred people that look at my blog each week.

On MySpace I am often on the top blog list. Some of you joined me by finding me there. I have about the same number of readers there. So in actuality I have over two hundred people that read my junk a week. That’s pretty impressive.

If you do decide to leave a comment that is great, I love to hear from my readers. I only have a couple of rules and they are pretty simple.

First, try to keep it within the spirit of the blog. I don’t expect you to talk about exactly what was in the story but if it’s an article on a child’s toy and you decide to discuss sex it would be embarrassing for a child to google that subject and read about a penis. (Yes my blogs and name come up when googled) My Wednesday blogs, or Humpday Happenings are just for that type of venue and anything goes there. I have many different types of people reading with very different taste in what they choose to read about. For that reason I chose one day a week to go buck wild and talk about sex while Monday and Friday are set aside for calmer clothed subjects.

Second rule, I will remove any comments that are of a racial nature, or what I deem rude and crude. I have many friends and family of various nationalities. I have often told people to be careful who you make fun of because they might be related to me. I don’t find Asian or Mexican jokes funny at all. I know it has been accepted by many major networks and some think it’s amusing but it just makes me angry and believe me it’s not easy to piss me off. It will be removed in a heartbeat.

In closing I’d like to say that while many think it’s easy to keep a blog and don’t think of it as a real job it’s not quite as easy as it looks and yes it is work. Oddly enough you can also get paid to do it although not enough to live on unless you live in a cardboard box. Luckily, I have other investments, side vocations and a husband with a good job so I won’t starve.

November 23, 2009

Ho Ho Hum

It’s that time of year again when we fight old ladies over the latest “it toy” of the year and drive around for days looking for a parking place so we can suffocate in a sea of people looking for that perfect gift for extended family we don’t even really like. Yeah, it’s Christmas time again, bah humbug.

There was a time when I really liked Christmas. I would drag the tree and decorations out of the attic the Saturday after Thanksgiving spending all day putting up gaudy stuff we would never decorate our homes with any other time of year. But after years of going through the motions it’s too much like work.

Well, I’m here to help you out with a few tips and gift ideas.

Shopping online is nice because you don’t have to leave your home and you can find things you might not have locally. Before you fill out that online order form do a google search for the catalog company’s name and the word “coupon.” Most of the time you will find a coupon code for free shipping or a percentage off of the merchandise you are purchasing. Every little bit helps.

I’ve always been skeptical of giving my home phone number on those internet forms. If they need to get a hold of me concerning my purchase they can email me. Some will let you skip that line while others have it marked as a required field. Just put 222-222-2222 and you are on your way. Too many companies sell your phone number to others or use it themselves to “keep you informed of upcoming sales and events.” I get enough crap in my email box from these people I don’t need phone calls too.

We can always use a few gift ideas for those special people on our list. These items are for the more sophisticated individuals that appreciate the finer things in life.

Here is an unusual game you won’t find just anywhere:

The same guys that enjoy the above game will appreciate the following gift:

Here’s a plaque many can relate to:

Having trouble with people carrying off your favorite mug at work? Here’s one nobody will want.

And last but not least here’s a t-shirt for me. It’s even red.

There are quite a few “special” people in my family so I buy from that catalog every year.

Here’s one of my favorite holiday videos.

Here’s a couple websites I share with people every year. If you’ve been with me since last season you may remember them.

This is kind of cool. You can make Santa do all sorts of fun stuff. Ask him to strip and you’ll get a little strip tease.

This one changes every year. Yay! The snowman eats the kids again. Yeah, I’m a sick individual. Last year they had a little old man that smacked the kids with his cane. Good stuff.

November 20, 2009

Fingerless Gloves and Playing With Balls

My hands often get tired after hours of typing and so I thought I’d share with you a few things I do to remedy this situation.

The first thing I do is put on my Handeze gloves. I discovered them at a quilt show years a go. I have a bit of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from years of hand quilting and embroidery and these help a lot.

In case you don’t have a quilt or craft shop near you that carries them you can find them online. There are generic off brands but I haven’t been as happy with them as I have the real thing. The seams are a bit uncomfortable so I turn them inside out. They look a bit funny but I’m not going to a fashion show and don’t wear them in public so I don’t care.

Here’s the website. If you google around you might be able to find them less expensive through a retailer but I’m sort of busy at the moment so I didn’t look for the cheapest source.

I had no idea they came in all of those colors. Mine are beige. You measure across your knuckles to see what size you wear. Not that you probably care but I wear a 3S.

I also play with Chinese balls. ;o)

Okay, not those balls although that sounds like more fun. These balls.

This video shows you how to use them. My baoding balls are silver like his. He makes it look very easy but it is really difficult.

I’m not near as good as he is but I still think they help a lot. So if you are suffering from aching fingers and hands from too much typing you might want to give these ideas a try.

You don’t have to speak Mandarin to appreciate Lee Hom’s music. I have this one on my MP3 player. Try not to drown in his gorgeous dark eyes. ;o)

November 16, 2009

Ghostwriters-The Unknown Writer

Words are powerful tools. They can make love to a person’s mind or stab them in the heart. How we say things is very important.

Great leaders are shaped by the writers that work for them. Of course being able to read those sentences with eloquence makes all the difference but the idea has to be a thoughtful one or they lose their audience.

Many writers never get recognition and are quietly tapping their keys behind the scenes building up other people’s careers and fame.

Those memoirs you have read in most cases were not written by the person pictured on the cover but by another. Sarah Palen just wrote a book. *cough* I’m sure if you google it you can find out who really wrote her novel… I mean story. Every time I hear in the news that a famous person has “written a book” I go, “Yeah right.” (Rolling my eyes.)

Presidents and celebrities are often famous for quotes that make us pause and think. Most of them didn’t write one word of it. Somewhere back in history is an anonymous author sitting in a solitary room typing away giving credence to great people while they die an unknown.

Those words we give John F. Kennedy credit for were not his own; they were the work of a man named Ted Sorensen. The shame of it is that JFK even won a Pulitzer Prize for another person’s work.

Text books and many non-fiction books only list the publishing company and the person(s) who actually wrote it are never known. I often go to conferences and meet writers and authors. Many of the people have written many things but no one has ever heard of them.

It can be a bit awkward when you tell a person you are a writer and they want to know what you have written. Some things are published under a pseudonym while others are not allowed to tell their work because it is now the property of another.

There are also cases of men writing romance under a female name because apparently women don’t want to read a syrupy story written by a male author. I would read it and have because some men can write a better sex scene than women but I know the craft and am on the inside looking out.

There are people that write erotica and don’t want their family to know so that’s kind of swept under the rug, meanwhile they are cashing the checks. Some write for True Confessions magazine and others of it’s kind. You can’t use your real name there either. Some of us have naughty minds. ;o)

So the next time someone tells you they are a writer, don’t expect to have read any of their work or if you have it probably doesn’t have their real name attached.

This song doesn’t have anything to do with writing other than the fact that someone wrote the words making Kylie famous. I can’t get this song out of my head. lol

November 13, 2009

Could I Have Some Sleeves With That Sweater?

If you've been with me a while you might recognize this blog because it's a rerun but I've been busy NaNoing and all my brain power has been going into that so here goes:

Has this ever happened to you? You get up to the check out counter discovering that you have diapers and baby wipes and you don’t even have a toddler and you’re wondering what happened to that cute sweater you tried on that fit you really great and those yellow shoes that aren’t really your color but your husband likes yellow so you wear it sometimes to make him happy even though it’s probably going to look like your hotdog pooped on your feet?

You then juggle whether or not to go back through the store looking for a person that looks like they might buy heinie covers and butt wipes and risk that ugly mean look you got the last time you stole someone’s buggie? No. Okay. Well, then never mind.

What happened to sleeves? I know we are going through hard economic times, but is it too much to ask for a pair of sleeves to go with our sweaters? Do they think our arms won’t get cold? It makes as much sense as those silly ski vests Michael J. Fox wore in Back to the Future, which incidentally are back in style, so if you still have one stuck way in the back of your closet you can bring it back out now.

Actually, you can pay extra for sleeves if you so choose. No, I’m not kidding. They are called arm warmers. Kind of like leg warmers only with thumb holes. Who makes this shit up? Yes, my arms get cold with the rest of my body and if I need a sweater I would like a whole one, please.

Nothing like dropping temperatures to get women out shopping for sweaters or er vests. It only got up to 64 degrees here today according to the thermometer on my car so that meant that you saw some people in short shorts, tank tops and flip flops while others sported jackets and hats. I wore a sweater. Those shorts people make me cold just looking at them.

Some people really need my help picking out their clothes. It’s the same temperature at my church ever Sunday and yet my friend Debbie wears sundresses and flip flops and complains about being too cold. I wear closed toe shoes and a sweater. I think she just likes to complain. With a sweater I was still cold and thinking about burning pews for warmth when I look over at Mrs. Callaway and see her fanning herself with a bulletin. Of course she’s wearing a jacket. The woman suffers from hot flashes and wears jackets everywhere she goes. She needs to change clothes with Debbie, they look about the same size. Get with the program people!

According to Cosmo, hair is more than a woman’s best accessory it’s her greatest weapon. That is so true. I will never forget the time one of my hairs (from my head) got tied around Mark’s uvula and I had to get tweezers and a flashlight to get it off without making him puke. Boy was that tricky, especially without a stitch of clothes on.

Last night Mark handed me some papers and said he needed me to sign them and not to pay any attention to the part that said I was going to be committed. I wonder if they have wifi in the asylum?

November 9, 2009

Books, Books Everywhere

Friday and Saturday I worked on my office/library cleaning out dead computers, Chihuahua sized spiders and books.

I had a Mac from the nineties, a Dell with issues, and a HP laptop that bit the dust years a go. The office had turned into a computer cemetery. For some reason the Mac has sentimental value so we have to keep him. Yes, it appears he even has a gender.

My books are in the process of being organized. I’ve decided that I should put my non-fiction and classic literature in the living room and my trashy novels in the back of the house so that guests will think I am edumacated and well… classy. Can’t have the kinfolk knowing about my nekkid men books now can we?

Right now I have books lined up along my hallway waiting to be organized and put back on the four shelves. I promise to get rid of at least five percent of them. They keep multiplying I have no idea where some of them came from. Trouble is I have so many I sometimes buy them again. I found two copies of four different books. I must have really liked those.

I was going through a stack in the hall when a spider the size of my hand brushes against me. I hollered and jumped knocking over another pile of books. It’s the third rabid wolf spider I’ve found. You don’t know whether you need a pistol or fly swatter. They are as big as tarantulas.

Here’s what these ugly guys look like. Shudder. In the fall they come in looking for a warm place to stay. I believe in being hospitable and all but I draw the line if you have more than four legs and four eyes.

NaNo is going great. I’m two days ahead on my writing but things have turned out quite different than I had planned. It started out a mainstream novel possibly young adult but after Saturday’s writing it is no longer suitable for teenagers and somehow I ended up with erotica right smack in the middle of my nice wholesome story. I have no idea how that happened. One minute they are traveling across the United States in a motor home on summer vacation and the next thing you know they are… Well, this isn’t Wednesday so I better not give details but you get the idea.

seether - fake it

That video probably wasn’t appropriate for Monday either. Excuse me while I go read one of my nekkid men books.

November 6, 2009

Writing Is My Crack And The Latest Wrong Number Call

Nano is going great. I was taking care of my son on Tuesday and my sister in law on Thursday with doctor’s appointments and have still managed to be a day ahead on word count. Woo hoo!

You know you are a writer if you can’t stop. You get frustrated when your manuscript is turned down and vow you will never write another word but the next thing you know you’re scribbling down missives on the back of grocery receipts or you read a lousy book and just know you can do better.

It’s like a drug. You can’t stop. You want to sometimes but you’re like a junky. Just one more time and then I’ll quit. This is it. I swear.

You write through lunch and realize you forgot to eat or you eat over your computer and find the “B” key is stuck and after getting out the canned air you find a piece of corn chip wedged underneath. Incidentally a straight pin works pretty good to get foreign objects out from under keys.

Writers always have paper or an electronic device they can take notes on, because those ideas like to come at weird times like when you are standing in line at Wal-Mart. Which in case you haven’t already figured out is a wonderful place to find quirky characters for your book. There are all kinds of interesting human beings that shop at these stores and they come as they are-- in their jammies, paint stained work clothes and clown suits. Well okay that probably wasn’t intended to be a clown suit but it would totally work for one.

I wrote a blog one time on wrong numbers and recently I got a new one I thought I’d share with you. I’m not sure why I get these.

At two in the morning on a “Tuesday” a guy calls me on my cell phone:


“Baby I’m so shorry, I didn’t mean it.”

What the hell? I feel the other side of the bed. Husband is in bed… asleep. “What?”

“Ah Baby, you know I love ya.”

“Uh sir, you have the wrong number.”

“Are yer sure?”

“Quite sure.”

“Damn! You mean I gotta do this again?”

“Sorry Dude. It’s 2 a.m. How about you wait until morning after you’ve slept (it off) and call her then?”

“Good idea. Thanksh.” Click.

I should really have Dear Abbie’s job.

November 2, 2009

NaNo Day Two and Speaking Baby Talk

I’m ahead of schedule on my NaNo word count. Yay! Right now I’m spending a lot of time on back-story but that’s okay. In the beginning it’s mostly about getting words on paper or computer in this case.

When kids are little they talk cute. They say things funny and use different words. They are like tiny foreigners learning a new language. Actually, it is you learning a new language… theirs. And as a parent you find yourself saying these words the way they do and if another adult is in the vicinity you can get some pretty strange looks unless they have had visitors from the land of toddler. Other moms just smile because they completely understand where you are coming from.

There have been some experts that said, “Don’t talk baby talk to your kids, it hampers their speech.” This is malarkey. My kids all spoke very good English and in fact had a larger vocabulary than most of the other students by the time they started school and we spoke fluent baby talk at my house. Heck we still do it sometimes just for fun. lol

A little girl came to my door Halloween night dressed as a princess… of course. I couldn’t tell you how many princesses I had visit me. Sadly, not one knight in shining armor came by. I gave Miss Princess a few pieces of candy and she said, “Oh, you have Noods! May I pwease have two Noods?” Holding up two fingers. She was talking about Nerds candy. Of course I gave her two Noods. I’m a sucker for adorable little kids.

I woke up yesterday morning with my right nostril partially stopped up. I’ve had a sniffle for a few days, nothing major just enough to be an annoyance. It reminded me of when my kids were young and instead of nostrils would say noses. “Mom, this nose isn’t wooking.” Or “This nose is stopped up.”

They didn’t know the word “throat” so they would say their neck hurt. If a child ever tells you their neck hurts they are more than likely talking about what’s beyond skin and tissue. I’ve had kids with tonsillitis or strep complaining about a sore neck.

My oldest son didn’t say a whole lot until he was three, waiting until he could say things properly; he’s always been a perfectionist. However, my second son talked young and said some funny things. When you have an older brother you have to be able to communicate, for instance telling Mom Brother is trying to kill you or just tell Brother to give you back your twuck.

He said fidgiader for refrigerator, skeddy for spaghetti, and kinnygawden for kindergarten. When Nicholas went to school Matthew was certain if I just explained to the teacher that he wanted to be with his brother the school would understand and let him start kinnygawden early. The fact that he wasn’t potty trained shouldn’t be a problem.

I think I will cook skeddy for dinner tonight.

October 30, 2009

Angels, Computer Robots and David Hasselhoff

I had a frustrating day yesterday.

First of all I woke very early to the angels bowling and shooting off fireworks. (That’s what I always tell little kids so they don’t freak out.)

Second the lightening zapped my internet connection so I had to call the robot lady to get help and she had a hard time understanding me. When I said three she thought I said zero. I know my Okie accent is thick but how do you get zero out of three?

So after several minutes she hands me over to an agent that might speak my language or at least understand me better. We still had a communication break down because he starts speaking in computerese and I’m lost. He soon realizes he has a dummy on the phone and starts talking to me like I’m a child. “It’s a plug that looks like a phone jack only it has more wires and is a little bigger.”

“I found it.” I exclaim while crawling around in the dust amongst the electric spaghetti with my butt in the air. I really need to fire that cleaning lady. Oh wait, I’m the cleaning lady. Never mind.

It turns out my router seems to be fried. Darn wild angels.

So this morning I am borrowing my neighbors internet to post this blog. Don’t tell them. It’s not like I didn’t pay for service, I just can’t get to mine right now unless I connect directly to the modem with a two foot chord. I feel like a bad dog on a short leash. “I promise I won’t bite the mailman again if you’ll just let me go.”

I will be busy the next few weeks with NaNo, (Please refer to NaNo blog for more info.) and instead of leaving y’all hanging I have decided to incorporate a few old blogs, kind of like reruns. Most of y’all are new readers so it will be new to you. The handful of oldies but goodies might be like I am and not remember them anyway. If not you’ll just feel like you’re watching Pamela In Red in syndication.

I’ve been blogging for a few years now and have quite a few in my files. In the beginning I didn’t keep copies on my USB but after a few mishaps I soon realized it was a good idea.

Some are pretty funny but in the wrong season so I will have to dig through and try to find some that somewhat relate to current affairs. Like the one where I got a sunburn on my knees and then went to the gynecologist and she asked me if I’d been down on my knees. I love that one.

I couldn’t for the life of me remember David Hasselhoff’s name yesterday and of course couldn’t get online which is an extension of my brain. I was trying to come up with names for all my NaNo characters. One is a drunk and a picture of this famous actor eating a hamburger off the floor came to mind. Only problem is I can’t use the name David because that was my favorite uncle’s name and he’s now my guardian angel and that would be disrespectful so I’m back to square one.

My character is a middle age guy with a drinking problem but he’s not a mean drunk just an apathetic one. Does anyone have a good idea for a name?

October 26, 2009

Theme Songs

Thought I'd share something silly I've been working on for a little while now.

This is the Stalker’s Theme song. Any of you girls that have had a stalker knows what I’m talking about. Does this song creep anybody else out?

The Police - Every Breath You Take

This is the Latino theme song. I love this one!

Here’s the redneck’s theme song.

Gay men theme song.

It's Raining Men - Weather Girls

Lesbian theme song.

Hippie theme song.

Cougar cub theme song.

Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom

If I've forgotten any feel free to add them.

October 23, 2009

The Incredible Unbelievable Internet

Since I don’t work outside my home and spend hours in solitude writing I like to hang out online sometimes to have someone to talk to. In the beginning I mostly went to writing group sites and also a baby boomer women’s group until someone so nicely informed me I wasn’t old enough to be there. lol I felt like a carded teenager trying to buy beer.

The writer’s sites were intelligent people with calm conversations mainly consisting of their latest novel and while I love to read books having a discussion with an author about their latest project can be (how do I put this without offending anyone?) as stimulating as listening to a mother tell about her child’s latest accomplishments. I’m proud your kid is on the honor roll, truly I am but we all know it’s much more exciting for the parent than for anyone else.

One day at a conference a few years a go another member gave a workshop on web pages and how publishers like you to have one etc. etc. She showed us MySpace, which prior to that day I thought was only a teenager's hangout, and said it was a good way to meet other writers, publishers and readers. Keeping a blog was also supposed to help keep the writing juices flowing. So I thought, what do I have to lose and went home and created my own time waster, I mean web page.

They’ve made it so easy to put up a site even I can do it. You don’t have to have any talent, just point and click, copy and paste and voila, you have a page.

One of my biggest concerns and the reason for this long-winded missive is due to the fact that it amazes me the amount of people that thinks everything on the internet is fact. I see time and time again people giving a website as verification to back up their statement and the information is no more accurate than the Tower of Pisa is plumb.

It’s scary that our younger generation hardly cracks a book and gets all of their knowledge online and yet a lot of what’s out there is crap. Anyone can make a page on the world wide web and write anything they want and it doesn’t have to be facts.

I got into a debate with a man over the issue that colleges won’t allow Wikipedia as a source of research material for term papers. He honestly thinks it’s a place to get solid information and got quite pissed about it. He even went so far as to say he wouldn’t allow his kids to attend a college that didn’t allow it. Which of course only made him sound like a fool. Many people aren’t aware that anyone can go in and change information on that site. Most of what’s on there is fairly accurate but I have found a few discrepancies myself. I’m not advising anyone to not read it but do double check the material before accepting it as gospel.

Just because it’s online doesn’t make it true. A non-fiction book has to double-check its resources because they can be sued if they print inaccurate information. I hear of pending litigations all the time. That’s why many authors won’t even touch non-fiction because you have to be exact in your writing; there can be no errors. The trouble with the internet was in the past it was difficult and sometimes impossible to find the creator. That has changed. With the threat of terrorism and child pornography the authorities have gotten better at finding people.

In the beginning the internet was kind of like the old west when outlaws ran rampant and people said and did whatever felt good not caring what happened to anyone that got in their way. Eventually things were cleaned up, sort of, and people could live peacefully knowing the sheriff was just down the road.

Recently I read about a lawsuit because a woman wrote an unflattering opinion of another individual. YouTube was sued for showing patented movies and music.

Yes, my friends law has come to cyber space and it’s just a matter of time before they clean up this one horse town.

Elton John- One Horse Town:

October 19, 2009

Nano is Coming

No, Nano isn’t my Indonesian boyfriend as tempting as that sounds. It’s short for National Novel Writing Month.

You nice folks that have been reading my blogs for a while (God bless your little souls) are possibly familiar with this particular madness I insist on putting myself through every year. But you newbies might need a quick lesson.

Chris Baty founded this crazy idea about ten years a go and talked a few loony writers into joining him every year the month of November. We write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days and while that’s not a full novel it gets us well on our way to pert near having a book wrote.

He started out with a handful of his closest buds and somehow it snowballed from there into a huge thing that has even gotten famous authors like Stephen King and Debbie Macomber involved. Don’t bother trying to find them on the website they use a pseudonym making it impossible to recognize or so I’m told.

There’s something about a deadline that gets us off our fannies (or on it as the case is) to write our little hearts out.

Why pray tell am I sharing this tidbit of info with my blogging friends you may ask? Well I’ll tell you. Cause I might be so busy writing for real I might not post quite so many blogs next month and I don’t want y’all to think I’ve fallen off the face of the earth.

Last year I bombed. I thought I’d try my hand at romance since it’s such a booming market and I read so many of them. Turns out they are much harder to write than I first thought. I started out with a Welsh lover, that one petered out and then I started another one with a Native American lover and while I think that one has potential it didn’t go very far either and even with two stories I didn’t make my 50,000 mark.

This will be my fourth year doing NaNo. I made my quota the first two years. I have a much better idea and feel like I can make it for sure this go round.

My story is called Chinese Road Trip. It’s about a middle age Chinese man that loses his wife, buys an RV and decides to take a road trip cross country with his youngest son and his son's stowed away girlfriend. I figure there are all sorts of adventures that can happen with a story like that.

What the hell? There’s a song called Nano. Okay, y’all stop looking at her boobs and listen to the words. Oh I have no idea what she’s saying either. Lord, I hope it’s not nasty.

October 12, 2009

Things That Make You Go, What?

Sometimes YouTube sends me videos that are just really strange and I thought I’d share a few of them with you.

This one is a woman exercising with poodles? I think.

This guy is really good at making guitar noises with his mouth. They even have real guitars dueling with him. You gotta listen.You can tell by their expressions that even the musicians are impressed.

The Man is Playing Guitar with His Mouth - More bloopers are a click away

If you’ve been reading my blogs for a while you may have seen this one before but it still impresses me.

This one is a little creepy and creative at the same time.

This one makes me laugh every time I watch it. Thanks for sharing this one Mak. It’s a Japanese game show and most of you won’t be able to understand the dialogue unless you speak the language but you don’t have to speak Japanese to get the gist of what’s going on. The audience reaction is great especially the woman in the striped dress. I promise you will get a kick out of it. The guy is really cute and I love the wiggle dance he does to put his pants on. ;o)

And for my music video I’m using one that I stole from my friend Cat Zen. Thanks Bill.

October 9, 2009

You're Not Grown, You Just Think You Are

One day I went to the high school to pick up my daughter at 10:15 and while sitting in a chair waiting for her to appear I noticed there is a vast difference between this campus and the junior high she went to last year.

For one thing in middle school we have the dollar bill dress code. Your skirts and shorts cannot be shorter than the length of a George Washington above your knee. In high school anything goes. Some of those shorts don’t even have legs.

In junior high your tank top straps must be the width of a dollar bill. The upper grades can wear camisoles. I haven’t seen any in tube tops yet but for all I know that may be allowed too.

We live in a small town and don’t have the gang and violence trouble big cities have so our kids don’t have to wear uniforms.

It was quite entertaining to watch kids come into the principles office. Two were just now waking up and had to call mom to get it excused.

“What’s your reason for being late?”

“Uh- I just woke up.”

Then there was the boy that came in because he’d missed a few days. The principle called his mom and she wouldn’t excuse him so he had after school detention.

He calls his mom to let her know, “Remember when I ditched all those days? Well, I have to stay after school.”

I guess he had more important things to do than attend school.

A girl came in to change her information because her dad moved away and she is now 18. Apparently, the school doesn’t care if you are considered an adult outside school grounds on campus you still have to have a legal guardian. Her father was going to have to sign his rights over to someone else. ???

She turned 18 so her dad thought his parenting responsibilities were over. “You’re on your own kid.”

So now she’s going to have to hunt him down to sign a form. Something crazy about that rule.

Then we have the 22 year-old-student that I saw kissing a girl out front on another day. I wonder if he has to have a guardian answer for him too? If so they need to inform him that dating teenage girls can get him into big trouble. My daughter doesn’t know why he’s still in high school. I guess better late than never.

October 5, 2009

People I May Know, Waste Management's Bad List and My Dog Needs Cesar Millan

Do you ever go to a concert or some other big event with lots of people and see someone you are sure you know but can’t for the life of you remember their name or where you know them from? This happened at the Journey concert. I was hesitant to approach him because:

A) It could be someone I didn’t like and wouldn’t want to reconnect with. I know that sounds bad.

B) I don’t really know him and it could be quite awkward thinking I know a person when in fact I really don’t. Plus he was with a woman I didn’t recognize at all and she might get the wrong idea.

I decided it best not to go over because as my husband so nicely reminded me I get people wrong all the time. Just the other day I thought that woman lawyer in the movie “Moonlight Mile” was that blond girl that always played in those Clint Eastwood movies. He informed me that Clint’s co-star would be at least in her 60’s by now while the woman in the movie we watched was only in her 40’s. I swear it looked just like her. Maybe she has a good plastic surgeon.

Some of ya’ll know I’m a tree hugger/recycling nut and do my part in my little patch of the world to be a good citizen. The other day I was on the phone with my husband while I was cleaning the kitchen. So I asked him, “I wonder if they will recycle steel wool.”

I hear him laughing on the other end.

“What’s so funny? It’s not gross or anything, it’s just gotten kind of raggedy and I didn’t want to just throw it in the trash.”

He says, “Waste Management probably has you on their bad list. They see your tub and go, Oh no, it’s that crazy lady that tries to recycle everything.”

So I said, “Well they should recycle everything. If they did we wouldn’t have Mount Garbage and Trash Hill.”

Those aren’t real names they are my made up names for the two landfills we have at either ends of Oklahoma City.

My poor dog has lost his noodles. He’s never been aggressive in his whole life but the other day he actually ran at the gas meter man barking and acting like he would bite the guy’s leg off. I had to go out there and call him off. I have no idea what’s gotten into him except old age. You know some men get real cranky when they get older and maybe that’s what’s wrong with my pooch. He has decided he’s older than we are and can do whatever the hell he pleases.

He’s also taken to eating the sheet rock on a corner in the hallway. I noticed he mostly does that if he didn’t get any attention that day. I fixed his butt. I put him outside and he’s staying there for a few days. It sounds much worse than it is. He has a crate in the garage with a flannel blanket I made him and a doggy door so he can go in and out anytime he wants. So it’s kind of like sending a kid to his room that has video games, computer and a television set.

“Who do you think you are eating my house?”

He’s been outside four days now and my husband gave me a sad face last night asking how much longer Basil has to stay outside. It hasn’t been long enough. I know that old stubborn dog and it will take a while for him to realize whose boss.

Funny thing is he was supposed to be my dog. Mark didn’t even want one but nobody told me before I picked out that breed that Boston Terriers prefer men so he’s not so much mine anymore unless discipline is doled out. He minds me better than anyone else even though recently he’s not obeying anyone so good.

Where’s that dog whisperer man when you need him?

October 2, 2009

Journey Then and Now

My husband has this thing about going to concerts that only have all the original members. As you can imagine, that is getting more and more difficult as time goes by especially when a man is stuck in the 70’s and doesn’t expand his taste in music. No offense to others that love the oldies. I love them too but am a bit more flexible about new groups and the reorganization of old ones.

It took some coaxing and showing him YouTube videos to convince him that Arnel Pineda is every bit as good as Steve Perry. Mark never was a big Journey fan anyway but decided to go with me. Still he insists on calling them “Fake Journey” since they don’t have all the original members.

I miss Steve Perry and his gorgeous voice but Arnel Pineda is excellent and brings a wonderful gift to Journey. He has a lot of energy and talent that cannot be denied. I actually like Arnel's voice better and think he's cuter. ;o)

Here’s a video comparing the two singing one of my favorite songs, “Open Arms.”

Have you ever tried to sing one of their hits and do it well? It’s not easy to hit those high notes. I’m a girl and have a hard time.

Steve Perry and Jonathan Cain both of which are no longer with the band wrote most of their music so it will be interesting to see what they come up with in the future.

And in case you haven’t heard Pineda’s story here’s the video that brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it. ~sniff~

The concert was awesome. There were people from teenagers to senior citizens and the place was packed.

This is one of my favorites and if you're like me and wore grooves in your album you're expecting to hear "City of the Angels" right after this ends.

September 28, 2009

Strange Dream

When I have dreams I don’t know most or sometimes any of the other people playing a part. It’s like I’m reading a novel in first person. Often times I’m not even myself like in this dream I appear to be Mexican.

I’m baking pies and cookies and my cell phone won’t stop ringing. Apparently I have a talkative friend. So my husband and daughter decide they want to go out for ice cream. First I tell them I can’t because I’m busy but for some odd reason they can’t or won’t go without me which doesn’t make any sense.

My husband is on his cell phone and he tells my daughter they will go after his conversation is over. She gets mad and starts arguing and I get tired of hearing it so I say, “I’m going” and I leave.

I head down the street, look down and realize I have no shoes on. (I never go anywhere, not even outside without shoes on.)

Not only that but I still have my mixer in my hand and I’m wearing an apron. I look back and there’s a long extension chord attached and so far I have plenty to spare so I keep going to a little store at the end of the block. Inside there is a woman that works there talking on the phone. (Everybody’s on the phone in this dream.) The clerk is Mexican too.

I try to reach past her to a refrigerator for a drink but it’s a very small store and I can’t so I say, “Can you hand me that Blue Mist.”

A black girl sitting at the counter says, “She’s been on that damn phone since I came in here.”

I say, “She’s always busy.”

Looking down at the floor I see that the entire floor is covered with record albums. The black girl says, “I’ve never heard of that one.” Pointing to one with a woman that looks like Ayo on the front.

I tell her, “That’s my favorite song, I had a hard time finding it but found an old one online.”

The song is Blue Mist.

Now as far as I know I have never heard a song called Blue Mist nor do I like a drink by that name.

I put in a search on YouTube and found this. Not bad. Now I gotta find a blue mist drink and my life will be complete.

September 25, 2009

Handle Bar Mustaches, Seventeen Foot Hair and Checkbook Registers

My brother in law has decided it would be a good idea to wax his mustache into Snidely Whiplash curls even though my sister-in-law strongly disagrees. Why do some men take leave of their senses when they get older?

I’m finding it kind of hard to talk to him and keep my mind on the conversation because I’m expecting any minute for Dudley Do Right to sail in saving me from this dastardly villain.

Hopefully, some of you are old enough to know what in the heck I’m talking about but just in case here’s a video, cause you know I have one.

Have y’all heard about the man with the seventeen-foot hair? If not here’s the video about him. How would you like to be one of the family members who gets to help hold that rope?

I wonder if smoking that bong is the secret to his success or possibly the fact he only washes it once a year. I dunno.

Now days people hardly use checks what with online banking and debit cards but surely people have to keep up with how much they still have left in their accounts. What I’m wondering is how do they do this?

Just like everyone else I don’t find myself writing checks as often as I did once upon a time but try to write down when I draw out money or use my card. Trouble is my registers fill up and then I run out of space.

The other day I went to Office Depot to see if they had any ledgers to help me out with this because I’m coming to the end of the ones the check company sent me. They only have big humongous ones like an employer or business would use. What are we regular folks supposed to do?

So I’m wondering, how do y’all keep up with expenses and such? Do you keep a spreadsheet on your computer? Carry around a little notebook or piece of folded up paper in your wallet? Or do you do like some young people and wait until you get a little letter from the bank letting you know you have gone over your limit and as a courtesy they went ahead and paid it and charged your account twenty five dollars accordingly. Thank you for doing business with us.

I also wonder why we say “hard cold cash” like that’s something great when actually if it’s hard money it’s not worth very much.

September 21, 2009

First Sons

What is it with men and first sons? They go plumb gaga. They have high expectations and hopes for this child, goals they maybe didn’t achieve but when a boy is born they see their dreams renewed. First sons have a much higher expectation than the younger one.

I happen to have two sons and know many other people that also have a set of boys and have made an observation and want to see if you have noticed it too.

First sons always look like their mom. Men can’t wait to have a mini me and look forward to that first boy child but nine times out of ten they come out a carbon copy of mom or mom's side of the family.

If baby boy number one is from an interracial couple he will inherit the genes and traits from mom’s side of the family more so than dad’s.

People were always saying how much my oldest son looks like his daddy but if you break down his features, they are mine so I’m not quite sure where they get that idea. He has my eyes down to the black freckle on the right iris, my nose, chin, cheekbones and ears. He has his dad’s (or is it my dad’s?) hair color.

So tell me, have you noticed this too? Look at people that have two sons (same mother and father) and tell me what you think.

September 18, 2009

Yumberries, Attack Grackles and H1N1 Flu

I got a Sobe drink the other day and it was yumberry pomegranate flavor. It had added vitamins, no sugar and sounded very healthy so I thought I’d try it. Now I know where pomegranates come from and what they look like but have never heard of a yumberry. Do any of y’all know how they are grown, what they look like or what country grows them? Perhaps I’ll plant a yumberry tree.

Just in case you don’t know, grackles are these very ugly birds that hang out in Wal-Mart parking lots scavenging for food like homeless people down on their luck. The females are a dirty brown color and the males are black and look like a crows homely cousin.

One time I saw a poor female grackle with feathers sticking up here and there, her tail was bent to one side and she hopped crooked. As if looking like that wasn’t bad enough two other females kept biting at her and making this mean squawking noise. I don’t know what she did to piss off her neighbors but they wouldn’t have anything to do with her. Miss Scraggly didn’t seem to care and kept pecking at the ground near them ignoring the fact her company was not welcome. I’m not sure if she did it to annoy them further or if she was touched in the head and couldn’t pick up their negative vibes. Maybe she’s a victim of domestic abuse and has been hit one too many times in the head.

The other day I was shopping at Wal-Mart and putting my cart full of bags in my car. I turned my back just for a minute and a grackle was in my buggy trying to tear into one of my bags. I shewed her away but she came right back. Good grief. Am I going to have to carry a weapon to keep the birds from carrying off my groceries? Geez Louise.

My daughter came home the other day and said she knows of ten people with this H1N1 flu. That’s a lot of kids so I thought I’d get her a shot. I called and asked if the flu shot would cover it and was told it doesn’t. You have to get a special vaccination for that one and you have to be in a high-risk category to qualify. I’d say having ten of your friends infected should qualify. They don’t agree.

She’s one of these touchy feely kind of people that hugs everyone so I told her she needed to not touch anybody and especially not to hug. Her brow creased and she looked at me like it was going to be a real challenge to remember that. It’s times like these that having a child that requires personal space and is introvert is a good thing.

According to this story those surgical masks you see people wearing do no good so save your money.

I have no idea why I though of this ol’ song but maybe you’ll get as big a kick out of it as I do.

September 14, 2009

Hide the Scissors

The other day after walking on the treadmill I had the hot water going in the shower to get warm and I was trying to get my ponytail holder out. It was stuck. No matter how much I pulled it would not come out.

Not wanting to waste the water I hurriedly grabbed a pair of scissors and cut it out. I’m thinking an inch, inch and a half was probably stuck. Uh-huh, more like three inches and it gets better. It wasn’t all of my hair but only about half so I’ve got half my hair three inches shorter than the rest.

It’s not too bad when your hair is past your shoulders and I’ve got plenty to spare. Still, I shouldn’t have been in such a big hurry to get my ponytail holder out and gradually worked it out instead of cutting a hunk of hair.

With age is supposed to come wisdom so when does this wise woman show up? So far I’ve been just as scatter brained if not more so than in my youth.

This reminds me of when I was in junior high and I didn’t want to pluck my eyebrows so I go the bright idea of cutting them with scissors the day of pictures. Lol I only did one before realizing what a stupid idea it was but maybe if I’d done them both at least they would have matched. The only thing I could do was strategically place a curl over my eye to hide the butchered brow.

So that year my picture looks like I’m trying to be sexy only I’m not pulling it off very well. My mother was pissed and kept asking me what was I thinking? Well, I don’t think there was much brain play in the works that particular day. Maybe I should have been born a blond.

The embed codes have been disabled for this video but if you copy and paste you'll get a chuckle.

Speaking of crazy women cutting their hair…

Britney Spears- My Prerogative:

September 11, 2009

Freaky Dreams

I have had some really strange dreams lately. Not sure why. I haven’t eaten chili peppers before bedtime or drank too much tequila. Actually, I haven’t had any tequila in quite some time.

Here’s a dream I had the other night:

I’m walking along with my husband and I look over and tell him I should have brought my fold up chair. I look down at my hand and discover I am carrying it and say, “Oh look I remembered it.” (I’m even ditzy in my sleep.)

We get to a big open field with nothing but dirt: no trees or even weeds. There’s a mobile home sitting in front of these acres of soil kind of like you see when a new housing addition is going in. Inside the trailer are rows of chairs set up like when you are going to listen to a speaker so we place our chairs in front of everyone else’s. (I guess being first doesn’t have any precedence in my dream. Just for the record, in real life I wouldn’t be so rude.)

I have no idea what the speaker talked about. She was a middle age blond woman with short hair: no one I know in real life. After she was finished there were refreshments on a bar at the side of the room. My husband is eating and flirting with two young women who are in their 20’s.

(Let’s pull out of the dream for just a moment to clue you in on why this is very strange. First of all, my husband doesn’t flirt with anyone. As far as I know he doesn’t know how. He was afraid of women until he met me. Second of all, it wouldn’t be with girls that young. He always talks to them in a fatherly or uncle sort of way because he has nieces and a daughter and to him they are kids.)

So I decide to go to the bathroom. I can assure you that if the above scenario were really happening going to the bathroom is not what I would be doing at that particular time but it’s a dream and they never make any darn sense.

Looking in the mirror I discover my eyes are this really light eerie almost white color of blue with small pupils. In case you can’t tell by my picture, I have brown eyes and large pupils. In the dream my nose is slender like most white peoples instead of my wide Cherokee nose I have in real life.

So I look over at this woman who is also in the bathroom and say, “Look at my eyes, they are blue.”

She says, “Must be something you ate.”

“Yeah, you are probably right.”

So the moral of this dream is don’t eat any weird food or your eyes will turn blue.

A funny side story to tell you:

When my second son was born and a few days old when you can see their pupils I noticed he had one big one and one little one, so of course I did what any mother would do. I panicked, called my husband at work and then our family doctor. They ask me questions like has he fallen. No, I didn’t drop my baby on his head…yet. Just kidding. So I take him in and the doctor confirms I am not crazy and yes my son’s pupils don’t match. He calls an Ophthamologist and finds out that it’s rare but nothing to worry about. It’s like a person born with one brown eye and one blue one. He inherited a pupil from each parent and since mine are not normal he has one big one.

So his whole life we have to tell people that he has mismatched pupils so if he is in an accident they won’t think he has a concussion.

September 4, 2009

Just Some Random Stuff

Ya’ll remember I told you my stomach meows? Well here’s a strange tidbit. Sometimes when my husband passes gas it sounds like he’s saying “Hon” and I answer him. He thinks this is really funny. I’m not quite so amused but men have a different sense of humor than women do.

Here’s a story of possibly the world’s oldest dog. Unfortunately, it’s unconfirmed so it won’t be going into the record books but I thought it was a pretty good story anyway.

This website is great. I know some people gripe about shopping at Wal-Mart but here is one of many reasons I love going there. If nothing else, sit somewhere and watch the people. You can get a cheap drink and popcorn at the snack bar and enjoy. It’s the best free entertainment you’ll ever have. I kid you not. Better than the sideshow at the county fair. Notice two of these pictures came from Oklahoma. lol

This website has stupid videos. Kind of self explanatory really.

We can all use a laugh so here’s a website with a catalog of comics to read.

We’ve been hearing a lot about sunspots or the lack there of here in Oklahoma. Apparently it’s why we’ve been having this strange cool weather and if the sun doesn’t find its spots soon we might have a mini ice age which wouldn’t be cool, well technically it would be “really” cool but you know what I mean.

Here’s a website telling about this conundrum.

August 31, 2009

Mother Nature is Frosting My Hair and Psychotic Fall Animals

I’ve noticed a few more blond streaks in my hair. *cough* It’s not quite the shade I would have chosen but Mother Nature didn’t ask me nor does she appear to give a hoot. So I’m contemplating going to a better cosmetologist to get the color I want instead.

Perhaps that’s why our eyesight starts waning in our middle years. Not only can we not see the onset of gray hairs and wrinkles in the mirror, but it’s also not clearly evident in our significant other either. Until I flip that little reflective glass over to the magnified side I don’t at first glance realize the extra creases and silver strands that have been added overnight.

I mentioned to the old guy I sleep with that I was getting gray hairs and he looks at me and asks, “Where?”

“Right here and here.” I point them out and he looks closer squinting. I don’t see anything.

Of course the man is blind as a bat. lol

We are having an early fall and I’ve mentioned this to my kids only to be asked how I know. Well for one thing the country critters are starting their annual suicidal walk a month early.

For some weird reason when autumn is upon us armadillos, raccoons and possums start running out in front of cars. I can’t decide if they are chasing females in heat and take leave of their senses or if they scream, “I can’t take another freezing cold winter, aaaaahh!” And step out into oncoming traffic deciding to end it all.

Someone should really look into this. Perhaps we need a homeless shelter to give the poor guys a warm place to sleep or maybe they need a furry version of Prozac. This is a serious issue no one but me seems to be concerned about.

August 28, 2009

All Over The Bed

I couldn’t come up with a good title for this one.

Every once in a while I’ll watch a video and it will inspire me to write something. This video reminds me of my daughter.

It’s a really cool video; someone did a lot of work so even if you don’t enjoy the music you can at least appreciate the time and energy that went into the making of it.

I feel sorry for the guy that marries my daughter. He will have to be a tough guy or they will need separate beds.

When she was little and had a bad dream or it was storming outside she would come crawl in my bed. She wasn’t there long because she would turn sideways and kick and throw her arms around.


She would wake up oblivious to what was going on. “What?”

“You are beating me to death, go back to your own bed.”

Eventually she stopped trying because I would tell her “no” before she got one toe under the covers. Who can sleep with an octopus in their bed?

I saw a show on television about a man that fought all night every night and his wife couldn’t sleep with him. I didn’t get to see the end so I don’t recall what the doctors did for the guy if anything but it was really odd to watch this eighty something year old guy throwing punches all night. He gave his wife a black eye one time. He was always tired and never felt rested.