January 23, 2011

Vampires in New Zealand; Werewolves in Wisconsin

It’s big business among writers, shows and movies these days but now there is proof they are real! We thought they were harmless sex symbols that drove expensive sports cars but we were wrong. They are dangerous and people need to beware.

Some poor woman in New Zealand is now partially paralyzed because a man was sucking on her neck. They say it is a hickey but I’m convinced the man is a vampire. I mean how many people do you know that have been immobilized by a love bite?

The poor woman was minding her own business watching television when suddenly she couldn’t move, couldn’t change the channel and couldn’t go get a snack during the commercial. Terrible.

They don’t show his picture, probably because he is pale and sparkly with fangs but we can just imagine how scary he must look.


And Wisconsin has werewolves. Just when we thought it was safe to send our kids outside to play, a boy was almost attacked by one. Luckily he was able to get rid of it with antifreeze. I thought you needed silver bullets or wooden crosses or something but apparently these modern day werewolves require antifreeze to kill them.


So be careful, don’t go out on a date with any sparkly guys and keep the antifreeze nearby.

Vampires Suck Trailer: