May 31, 2011

Effeminate Men Are Not Always Gay

I live in the Bible belt where everyone thinks you should act, dress and think the same way. You try to be just a little bit different, artsy or stand out in any manner and folks stare at you. Actually, that’s mostly in the smaller towns. The bigger cities don’t care so much but even they expect certain behavior they just aren’t quite as rude about it realizing if you stare too long you might get your butt kicked.

I’ve dressed a bit out of the ordinary before, actually I tend to not dress like the locals on a pretty regular basis. I don’t own a pair of sweats or tennis shoes for public wear; certain attire is meant to stay in the gym. Seriously, why would anyone think that looks good? I also wear my hair long even though I’m a middle age woman, but that’s another blog topic all together.

You may be asking yourself what any of this has to do with guys who are a bit feminine. My point is that people here expect certain behavior and ways of thinking and if you are outside that box they get uncomfortable.

Someone I know, we won’t name any names because its not really important, was told that people thought he was gay. He said, “No, I’m not gay, I like women.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize you weren’t one of “those people”. Now here’s where it gets interesting. This person I’m speaking of, we’ll call him Tom was more offended of the attitude towards gay people than the fact they thought he was homosexual. Even though he is straight he has friends that are gay and is comfortable enough in his own skin he even goes to gay bars sometimes. It made him really angry that they thought of gay people as something terrible and he defended them, which of course then made him sound like he lied about his orientation in the first place and is in fact gay.

Are you still following me or did I lose you back at the gay bar?

You see, Tom was raised around gay men his whole life so he never learned to fear or be judgmental of them. His parents never pushed him into sports he didn’t like. He was allowed to be his own person.

If men aren’t into sports or hunting here in Oklahoma you are automatically suspect; as if homosexuals wouldn’t like sports or hunting. Crazy. Anyway, my point is why are people so uptight about who other people sleep with or find attractive and why is it any of their damn business?

I think most of them are afraid of themselves more than they are the acts that go on behind closed doors. They find themselves just a wee bit attracted to their same gender and it makes them uncomfortable so when in the company of a pretty boy metro-sexual they get antsy.

Just because a man cares about how he looks, isn’t sporting the rugged, just crawled out the woods look, likes shopping and isn’t into sports, does not make him gay.

Being a homosexual means you are physically attracted to your own sex and even then you might not be one hundred percent gay. Oh and by the way, many men who are “manly” in looks and demeanor are homosexuals you just don’t know it. They don’t all act girly.

If you are a straight man and afraid a gay man is going to infect you with his lifestyle then you have issues and avoiding all homosexuals isn’t going to fix you so get over it.

Here’s one of my favorite Metro-sexual men: Russell Brand.

May 28, 2011

Father Guido Sarducci Robbed Bank In Oklahoma

You know the economy is bad when priests are robbing banks.

I was shocked when I opened my local newspaper yesterday morning to find that Father Guido Sarducci has taken to bank robbery to make ends meet. It’s a sad day in America.

See if you don’t agree with the uncanny resemblance; same hat and sunglasses.

He was always a favorite of mine with his cigarette and rye way of looking at the world. Not that I advocate cigarette smoking but I just thought it was funny to see a priest chain-smoking while delivering dialogue. Life was much more humorous when seen through the eyes of Don Novello’s alter ego.

May 24, 2011

Testicle Festival

Parade magazine did an article on festivals across the nation called, “Eat Your way Across America.” The story showcases what each state is known for, you know like walnuts or spinach. So I was browsing through and wondering what my great state might have the most of and was thinking back to the crops we grow here.

My guess was either watermelons or peaches; we grow a lot of them here so that seemed like a good assumption but no, I was wrong. I know we are in cattle country and I’ve joked about the fact you can’t throw a stick without hitting a cow but I was quite surprised to see that our great state is known for our calf fries otherwise known as cow testicles. That’s right you can go to Vinita, Oklahoma August 27 and eat all the bull balls you can handle.

I’ve lived here most of my life and can tell you I’ve never tried mountain oysters. We have a few restaurants that sell them and I’ve seen them on the menu but just haven't been brave enough to give it a try.

I tried to pull up an online link for Parade magazine’s story but I guess they want you to read the hard copy. Since that isn’t possible I’ll give you a few highlights of states in which I have readers, family or friends. If I’ve missed your great state drop me a comment and I’ll add yours in.

Burgaw, North Carolina has a blueberry festival June 18

Corinth, Mississippi has a slugburger festival July 7-9. It’s not made from slugs but a combination of soy and beef.

Hope, Arkansas has a watermelon festival August 11-13.

Bardstown, Kentucky has a bourbon festival September 13-18. That sounds like a fun time.

Niceville, Florida has a boggy bayou festival October 21-23 where folks eat mullet (that’s a type of fish).

Lebanon, Oregon has a strawberry festival June 2-5.

Gilroy, California has a garlic festival July 29-31.

Scottsdale, Arizona has a taco festival October 15. That sounds yummy.

Terlingua, Texas has a chili festival November 5. I’m not surprised, that one also sounds delicious.

Akron, Ohio has a hamburger festival August 20-21.

Buffalo, New York has a buffalo wing festival September 3-4.

Kapaa, Hawaii has a coconut festival October 1-2.

To find out the festivals in your great state or any other just put in a search for the state and activities or tourism website and it will give you a list of fun things going on each week. It’s great inexpensive entertainment you don’t have to go very far to enjoy.

I couldn't find a vinita video but here's one for Oakdale, California's Testicle Festival.

May 23, 2011

Raptures And Recessions Seem To Go Together

Like peas and carrots. I had to say that.

The tithes start dropping off because people are having financial problems, the preachers start panicking and decide it's time to make a prediction.

Some of y’all may remember Oral Robert. Back in the 80’s during the last recession he predicted the end of time and of course people had to send him money so he could get the word out so no one was left behind. You would think people would stop listening to him after the big day came and went and we were all still here but he still had people sending him money.

Once again we had a preacher begging for money during another apocalypse that didn’t happen. May 21, 2011 came and went just like any other day. When will people learn?

I read in the paper that some emptied their bank accounts and quit their jobs. Now what are they going to do? Some are probably homeless.

“I don’t have any money or a place to live because Jesus stood me up.”

Most people would be thrown in jail for stealing money from the ignorant but if a person hides behind the Bible they are exempt and can trick the na├»ve all they want. It’s not fair. Yes, I realize that if they are dumb enough to fall for these tricks they deserve what they get. A fool and his money are soon parted and all that but who do you think pays for all of this? You and me.

The government will now have to support these poor souls who will now be on Welfare, food stamps and whatever other handout they require because they were foolish enough to give all their money to Herald Camping’s rapture campaign.

I think they should sue Family Radio Worldwide and get their money back. People are suing McDonald’s for hot coffee and Walmart for slick linoleum they should be able to file a lawsuit against evangelists giving false predictions and tricking them out of their money.

One good lawsuit should do it and maybe then it will show all the others they can’t get away with this sort of thing.

There should be limits on these people anyway. I think preachers should have to pay taxes like the rest of us. There are too many rich televangelists out there while the working stiffs are struggling to pay the light bill. Something wrong with that picture.

May 19, 2011

Is It News Or A Variety Show?

What has happened to the news these days? I don’t watch daytime television and haven’t for quite a while because most of it isn’t worth tuning into but now the news has gotten silly.

In the evening when I do turn on the television for the latest reports and weather we are bombarded with advertisements for the morning show where anchor people have turned into blooming idiots playing, “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” pretending to play musical instruments or having eating contests. “Can Jed eat that twenty pound steak?” Do people honestly enjoy that kind of stuff? I just want the news, people.

It’s bad enough that we’ve put actors out of work by hiring any Joe on the street thinking America gives a hoot about “Reality,” now we are trying to turn the news cast into street entertainers.

And what’s with the coffee? Everyone is drinking coffee and then someone comes in with a pot giving refills. Where are the tea drinkers? That’s what I want to know.

Well my solution was to just not turn it on but some evening broadcasts are switching to this new kind of reporting as well. People no longer sit behind a counter, they now stand showing off their fashion clothes because drab conservative anchor duds were too boring. I can’t keep my attention on the map to find out if it’s going to rain because Susie’s glittery dress is distracting me.

And since when is an actors personal life breaking news? I can see letting us know when a famous person passes away but do we really care who is having an affair with whom or what celebrity is going into rehab for the umpteenth time? I don’t. They have separate entertainment shows for that.

It’s bad enough that most of them are slanted to their own personal political agenda. I’ve always thought they should paint a big elephant or donkey on the back wall to let new people know which side of the fence they stand on. Just tell me up front what you believe so I can make my decision because you aren’t going to change my mind based on your opinions.

Personally, I’d just as soon read the paper to get my news but the weather changes so much here in Oklahoma you have to keep a close watch on it and we only have one local paper which is also very slanted in their beliefs.

My favorite used to be PBS but they recently fired everyone and hired all new people for no apparent reason other than the fact they were old. I got a kick out of the weatherman because he always sounded drunk. I’m pretty sure he wasn’t but his voice had that tone that was fun to listen to. “Hurry, Hon, the drunk guy is telling the weather.”

I still watch PBS because at least we don’t have all the hoopla distracting me from the real reason I’ve turned on my television.

Yes, I know you can get news from the Internet too but I haven’t quite gotten into that. I do check out the web for world news but so far our local online news isn’t very user friendly. I can spend a lot of time trying to find a story about recent events. They purposely don’t update them right away because they want you to watch them on T.V.

I don’t have a problem with change when it’s for the better. Personally, I don’t think making news shows a three ring circus an improvement.