If you've been with me a while you might recognize this blog because it's a rerun but I've been busy NaNoing and all my brain power has been going into that so here goes:
Has this ever happened to you? You get up to the check out counter discovering that you have diapers and baby wipes and you don’t even have a toddler and you’re wondering what happened to that cute sweater you tried on that fit you really great and those yellow shoes that aren’t really your color but your husband likes yellow so you wear it sometimes to make him happy even though it’s probably going to look like your hotdog pooped on your feet?
You then juggle whether or not to go back through the store looking for a person that looks like they might buy heinie covers and butt wipes and risk that ugly mean look you got the last time you stole someone’s buggie? No. Okay. Well, then never mind.
What happened to sleeves? I know we are going through hard economic times, but is it too much to ask for a pair of sleeves to go with our sweaters? Do they think our arms won’t get cold? It makes as much sense as those silly ski vests Michael J. Fox wore in Back to the Future, which incidentally are back in style, so if you still have one stuck way in the back of your closet you can bring it back out now.
Actually, you can pay extra for sleeves if you so choose. No, I’m not kidding. They are called arm warmers. Kind of like leg warmers only with thumb holes. Who makes this shit up? Yes, my arms get cold with the rest of my body and if I need a sweater I would like a whole one, please.
Nothing like dropping temperatures to get women out shopping for sweaters or er vests. It only got up to 64 degrees here today according to the thermometer on my car so that meant that you saw some people in short shorts, tank tops and flip flops while others sported jackets and hats. I wore a sweater. Those shorts people make me cold just looking at them.
Some people really need my help picking out their clothes. It’s the same temperature at my church ever Sunday and yet my friend Debbie wears sundresses and flip flops and complains about being too cold. I wear closed toe shoes and a sweater. I think she just likes to complain. With a sweater I was still cold and thinking about burning pews for warmth when I look over at Mrs. Callaway and see her fanning herself with a bulletin. Of course she’s wearing a jacket. The woman suffers from hot flashes and wears jackets everywhere she goes. She needs to change clothes with Debbie, they look about the same size. Get with the program people!
According to Cosmo, hair is more than a woman’s best accessory it’s her greatest weapon. That is so true. I will never forget the time one of my hairs (from my head) got tied around Mark’s uvula and I had to get tweezers and a flashlight to get it off without making him puke. Boy was that tricky, especially without a stitch of clothes on.
Last night Mark handed me some papers and said he needed me to sign them and not to pay any attention to the part that said I was going to be committed. I wonder if they have wifi in the asylum?