June 22, 2009

My Mail Carrier Thinks I Need More Children

Back when my sons were in high school various organizations got our mailing address and started sending them credit card applications, the typical military “we need you” requests and college information. We also got a bunch of junk mail from people trying to sell them crap. The school swears they don’t give out addresses to companies, but I’m a little skeptical. I’m pretty sure advertiser’s aren’t telepathic.

For some weird reason along with my two boy’s mail I also started getting mail for a Trisha and Jeffrey. I asked my kids if there were any kids in their school by that name. I didn’t want Trisha and Jeffrey to miss out on their car loan requests or catalogues selling bikinis. Their school had a large graduating class so they or course didn’t know everyone. We even looked in their yearbooks (there was no one by either of those names).

When something would happen like an empty milk carton in the refrigerator or a mess in the living room. We’d blame it on Jeffrey. He was a very messy kid. We decided Trisha was the quiet one you never saw or heard a peep out of. She didn’t eat much either, but her brother ate all the cookies and left the crumbs on the counter for someone else to clean up. Jeffrey didn’t turn the television off when he was finished watching it or flush the toilet. He was really sneaky too and I could never find the boy to ground or make clean up these messes. His share of chores went undone as well.

Occasionally, I still get mail for Trisha and Jeffrey. They never write to me or come visit. I don’t get a phone call to see how I am, the ungrateful brats and after all I’ve done for them.

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