March 16, 2009

For My Amusement and Maybe Yours

Don’t get excited. Even though I mention church and God a couple of times this is a funny blog. I’m the last person qualified to preach to anyone. So far the walls haven’t fallen in when I walk in the door. Maybe God thinks one of these days I’ll repent and change my ways. It could happen.

In church Sunday my pastor was giving a sermon on hearing the voice of God. She said that Lilly Tomlin asked the question, ”Why is it when we talk to God its prayer, but when God talks to us its schizophrenia?”

During the prayer she asked God to open our ears to hear him calling us and right on cue a woman’s cell phone starts ringing playing Carrie Underwood’s song “Jesus Take the Wheel.” I had to hold my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Looking around I noticed a few other people snickering too.

God never calls me on my cell phone. Mostly the people that call me are my kids and husband and it doesn’t play any churchy songs like Ms. Underwood sings. When my phone rings you hear Robert Plant singing “Hey, Hey Mama.” Black Dog is more my style.

So I pondered whether God ever tries to talk to me and I decided the answer was no unless he’s an old pervert cause typically the thoughts running through my head would only be found in the book of Song of Solomon.

Funny how King James scribes wouldn’t allow the book that talks about Mary Magdalene being a disciple but were okay with soft porn. Ah well, it gives me something to read when the sermon gets a little boring.

Sometimes I feel like I should be sitting on the back row with the teenagers but my daughter would complain. Between you and me, I think I’m more fun than she is anyway.

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