December 28, 2011

Holding A Grudge Only Hurts You

It takes a lot to get me to that point; my attention span isn’t long enough for grudges. I realize people make mistakes, say things they shouldn’t or have opinions that don’t agree with my own. If people are just plain mean or rude all the time, I leave them alone not giving them another thought. I have better things to do. No reason to let someone live rent-free in my head.

I just avoid those who continue to say and do the same terrible things over and over again. I know they aren’t going to change so there is no need to waste my time and energy.

There are, however, friends and family in my life that do hold grudges. There’s no need to name names and most likely they won’t read this anyway since they are so pissed off they won’t speak to me anymore, but it is something that bothers me. Just because they choose to alienate me doesn’t mean I love them any less.

When people hold a grudge they are hoping to punish the other person with their absence and lack of communication. Sometimes it works that way but more times than not the target of your anger goes unnoticed. If you are the type who is continually a drama queen it might even be a relief to them to not have to put up with your hissy fits anymore. A person can only take so much, you know.

You alienating yourself isn’t going to make people change; they are who they are. They aren’t going to suddenly decide you are right and rewire their brain to your way of thinking unless you resort to some kind of blackmail and those things always have a way of backfiring so I don’t advice it. Even then it’s only a façade.

Staying angry with other people is like an ulcer that eats away at your insides little by little. It consumes your thoughts and doesn’t allow for anything else to happen in your life. Only you can release yourself from this prison you have created.

Time doesn’t always heal all wounds; sometimes they fester and become infected causing more pain and discomfort. Thinking mean thoughts makes angry wrinkles. You don’t want that.

You’ve heard the old saying, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” Disassociating yourself from the people you love can be like that. You don’t realize how much you need them until they aren’t there.

It also causes problems among other friends and family because they have to make extra accommodations to make sure the two of you don’t meet up or have to be in the same room together. Look at all the stress you are causing when you could just be mature about it. What difference does it make if the two of you don’t have the same beliefs, is it really worth losing a family member or friend over?

You believe you are right and I know I am so that about covers it. I have my beliefs and won’t change just because someone decides not to talk to me anymore. I can be stubborn like that.

Apologizing won't do any good because I still hold the same ideas.

I’m sorry my opinions upset you but I won’t stand down.

So enjoy your sulking, have a good life and remember I still love you even if you are a doodoo head. See I can be mature.


Word on the Streetz said...

Very very true and that is absolutely the best way to go about it

Pamela N Red said...

Word, I do the best I can. :o)

Jo said...

Ya know what? I totally agree with everything EXCEPT maybe, just one little part...sometimes, family or friend is worth totally ignoring. If one is just so unbearable that even the sound of his/her name brings your blood to a slow boil, you really are better off pretending you never knew him/her. The stress of some people (the drama queens) just isn't worth it. Ya know?
Great post and I so agree with
99% of what you are saying, I just think it also applies to SOME family!

Pamela N Red said...

Jo, it's harder sometimes to avoid family but I agree, it is best to avoid those we can that cause us agony.

Mykuljay said...

Wonderfully written Lady in Red. I've known far too many people who hold a grudge for one reason or another. Like you, I have no time nor the patience.

Life is just too short for the grudge to begin with, much less me being dragged along for the ride. To them I metaphorically always say: Hug hug, bye, I love you.

Pamela N Red said...

Mykuljay, I think some people are too sensitive and take things personally that aren't that big of a deal. Life is certainly too short.